Normally I like to keep my blog posts, entertaining, funny, and light hearted. My children provide plenty of good material for all of that. I think that tonight's may be different. Tonight I am going to write about the one thing that I hate most in the world. This apparently changes with my mood, but tonight I hate men. In fact, I wish I could claim immaculate conception so I did not have to claim that Alex and Daniel came from a broken, warped, fucked up, man. My sons are amazing and I hope that they never put women through what their own father put me through, and continues to put me through. I know that I am not the only women to think, or write these words. It's amazing how wonderful things like children can come out of awful people and situations. What brings me to this post is my own frustration and hurt feelings and pride, but I think it's also how I feel deep down inside. Lately my sons have been consistently asking me where their dad is, and whenever they see a big truck they say "daddy's truck". They pick up my cell phone at night and ask to call daddy. It's heart breaking when we call night after night and he's too busy living his life two hours away with his girlfriend to take the time to answer our sons. When confronted about this he tells me to chill out and asks me why I'm freaking out. It makes me furious that he won't justify how I'm feeling and what I think. I think that I thought this would be a therapeutic post, but in reality I'm just feeling more angry and hurt with every word I write. Raise your hand if you know how this feels. I am so grateful that I have my sons. I have long since realized that they are the only men that I need in my life, well that and my daddy.
My son's father and I have been planning to take a vacation with our kids this summer, together. Who thought that would be OK? Seventeen total hours in the car together? Oh yeah that's right. me. Do you ever have one of those "what was I thinking moments"? Yeah, about six this evening I was having one of those thoughts. He may never want me, but I realized a long time ago that a small part of me will never stop wanting him, and will never be OK with him being with other women. It sucks, but I know that other moms in my situation totally get this. I know that I'm putting my party hat on and throwing myself a pity party tonight, but you know what? I don't care. Sometimes I think that I am entitled to do so, being that I have been dealing with all the shit that hits my fan, fairly well lately.
Another disappointment tonight was when I thought that I had possibly met the man that would change the single part of my blog title, but I got a phone call saying, "we talked about the distance thing and I decided I can't handle it". I very maturely said "thanks for the call and letting me know, but I'm busy and have to go", then I hung up, cried for a moment, and then sent a text saying "your loss". So I totally killed the whole handling it gracefully thing at the end, but I think I am actually a little relived since there were no sparks on the first date and he was actually a little funny looking. I just deleted his number out of my phone, as is my customary routine with ex potential boyfriends, and have cancelled my match.com membership and decided to take a year off of dating. I guess when it rains it pours and when your already down, someone or something will surely kick you down a little lower. For the record I do think that I would like to take a year off dating and mean it. So any of you men out there that have any ideas about ruining my single for a year plan, just don't. That has always been a trend when I have made that goal in the past and I actually intend to stick to it this time.
I guess the lesson I have learned from this evening is, yes it sucks when the person you want to lean on isn't there and never will be, and is the cause of most of your heartache, but it's important to keep calm, (well at least throw the hissy fit in the privacy of your home), and carry on. I think that a quote from one of my favorite singers applies well to my man frustrations. In the words of the great and fabulous Miranda Lambert, "Go on fix your make up girl, it's just a break up. Run and hide your crazy, cuz I raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart". I completely agree with this statement. It doesn't matter how you feel inside, it's your right to feel how you want to feel as long as you keep it classy and don't hurt anyone else.
Good night for now from a frustrated, fed up, and annoyed, mommy.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
It's been way too long
It's been way too long since I have posted on here, but I have been busy writing an excellent personal statement about why I will be a good social worker, in order to apply to graduate school. Is it excellent? Probably not. But, I do think it will do to achieve the intended goal; get accepted into an MSW program. Not nearly as interesting as writing in my blog, but totally necessary, as I do not think that the University of New England school of Social Work would be to interested in my encounters with my children's feces and Officer Pablo. Anyway, on to a more exciting topic that I would like to touch on for a few moments. Mommy hood, which was my original point for starting this blog. I would like to wish all of the mommy's out there a Happy Mother's day times 1,000,000. Especially the single mom's out there, as well as the single dad's out there, who realized upon waking up this morning that no one was bringing you breakfast in bed, or helping you clean the house. If you woke up this morning and knew that the only way your family would be eating a nice breakfast on a Sunday morning was if you made it, congratulations even more. It's a tiring job, but you still pulled yourself out of bed and went about your business as if it was any other day, because you love your children and no one else is going to do the job for you. I suspect that there are plenty of married mommy's that experience this as well. I know that in my three years worth of mother's days things are normally crazy, hectic, and frustrating, but always end up being wonderful days anyway. Today, my children decided to storm the buffet that was set out for a going away party for the organist, and dump lemonade all over the floor. This was only after Alex's trek down the aisle and up to the alter during the pastor's sermon. Good thing the pastor has a sense of humor!
I have children that hate to cuddle unless they are sick, whom both snuggled up to me this evening and told me how much they loved me. Nothing can compare to how amazing hearing that felt. I can also add that no iPhone were injured this mother's day, unlike last year, when my iPhone was a casualty of last mother's days festivities! So, in conclusion Happy Mother's Day, and I hope everyone else had as wonderful of a day as I did. Just hopefully you know, your children skipped out on any attempts to deface the house of God with food!
I have children that hate to cuddle unless they are sick, whom both snuggled up to me this evening and told me how much they loved me. Nothing can compare to how amazing hearing that felt. I can also add that no iPhone were injured this mother's day, unlike last year, when my iPhone was a casualty of last mother's days festivities! So, in conclusion Happy Mother's Day, and I hope everyone else had as wonderful of a day as I did. Just hopefully you know, your children skipped out on any attempts to deface the house of God with food!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Sammi and Char Take on Harrisburg
Although I have been keeping my blog mainly about my experiences as a mommy, I have many pre mommy experiences that I believe are exciting and funny, dating back to my college days, all the way up to three days prior to finding out I was expecting.
Here is one of the stories detailing a time period shortly after college. They say you meet the women who will be in your bridal party (I know, I know, I'm on a wedding kick tonight), some day at college. I have my friends from high school, and my child hood friends, that I can say will be my bridesmaids, should I ever decide to change my single status, and find someone who wants to help me out with that, but I also have many wonderful people that I met while in college. One of these women we shall call Kenzie. Kenzie and have have been through so much, along with another two women that I became close with while in college. From dates at CiCi's pizza, nights out with the Friday Four, to almost getting kicked out of American Eagle for taking pictures in rock star sunglasses, to our adventures in Harrisburg. After our sunglasses incident we called ourselves Paris and Nicole. As in Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.
Fast forward to the year after I graduated from college. I was living in PA, about 45 minutes outside of Harrisburg. In Harrisburg there is this really awesome bar/club called the Hardware Bar. It is an amazing place for a good time and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes to party. (Again with the marriage thing, Kenzie says that I will be having a bachelorette party there if I get married). That's how many memories were made at this place. The first time we visited the Hardware bar we decided that we were going to make up fake names to introduce ourselves as to anyone we met. Hence Sammi and Char were born. Sammi was a crime scene investigator (and way prior to the Sammi on Jersey Shore), and I believe Char was a special ed teacher, however I could be wrong. Aging is a bitch.
Here are a few stories detailing the weekend of my 23rd birthday;
Night 1: Friday April whatever 2010: We head to the Hardware bar to meet the guy I had met a couple weeks prior at the same place. We had continued to talk and go on a couple dates prior to my birthday weekend. He was hot, well dressed, and dumb as a box of rocks, but I expected him to be the provider of my birthday drinks for the evening. Wrong...he was also cheap and decided he would have his friend drive us home, after consuming too much alcohol. We had a great night, but what did we learn from this experience? That's right, on to the next one, and don't trust a man to stay sober enough to drive you home.
Night 2: Saturday April I can't remember, 2010: My friend and I decided to ride to the Hardware bar with a group of soldiers that I became friends with that were stationed at a local base. Mental note, never get into a car that is so beat to hell that you can see the road through the floor! Even if it is a Jeep. Thankfully they were a nice, trustworthy group of people. They weren't into drinking and driving and we had a good time piled into a car full of people and having to sit on other's laps. What can I say? You do stupid things in your late teens and early 20's. We had arranged to meet the guy that I was talking to from the night before at the bar, problematically I was also dating a guy from the group of soldiers. I spent a lot of time "in the bathroom", that night. In actuality I was running from the first floor of the bar to the third, and from Justin to Brad, Brad to Justin. Then, Brad made sure my friend and I got home safely.
It was a wonderful weekend of dancing on the bar, being put in the barber chair to do shots and have a hot bartender slap my ass with a leather belt, and living it up as Sammi and Char. It will never cease to amaze me how free it can feel to pretend your someone your not. I guess I should mention that shortly after meeting Brad I had added a signature to my text messages that said "*Erica*". Well, needless to say, I had been going on dates with this guy who met "Sammi" not Erica, and Sammi, forgot to tell Brad that her real name was Erica. So you can imagine the conversation that transpired after Brad got a text signed *Erica*. Good memories with good people, and no regrets. Just thankfully you know, the bottom didn't literally fall out of the Jeep on the way home!
Over and Out
Erica
Here is one of the stories detailing a time period shortly after college. They say you meet the women who will be in your bridal party (I know, I know, I'm on a wedding kick tonight), some day at college. I have my friends from high school, and my child hood friends, that I can say will be my bridesmaids, should I ever decide to change my single status, and find someone who wants to help me out with that, but I also have many wonderful people that I met while in college. One of these women we shall call Kenzie. Kenzie and have have been through so much, along with another two women that I became close with while in college. From dates at CiCi's pizza, nights out with the Friday Four, to almost getting kicked out of American Eagle for taking pictures in rock star sunglasses, to our adventures in Harrisburg. After our sunglasses incident we called ourselves Paris and Nicole. As in Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.
Fast forward to the year after I graduated from college. I was living in PA, about 45 minutes outside of Harrisburg. In Harrisburg there is this really awesome bar/club called the Hardware Bar. It is an amazing place for a good time and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes to party. (Again with the marriage thing, Kenzie says that I will be having a bachelorette party there if I get married). That's how many memories were made at this place. The first time we visited the Hardware bar we decided that we were going to make up fake names to introduce ourselves as to anyone we met. Hence Sammi and Char were born. Sammi was a crime scene investigator (and way prior to the Sammi on Jersey Shore), and I believe Char was a special ed teacher, however I could be wrong. Aging is a bitch.
Here are a few stories detailing the weekend of my 23rd birthday;
Night 1: Friday April whatever 2010: We head to the Hardware bar to meet the guy I had met a couple weeks prior at the same place. We had continued to talk and go on a couple dates prior to my birthday weekend. He was hot, well dressed, and dumb as a box of rocks, but I expected him to be the provider of my birthday drinks for the evening. Wrong...he was also cheap and decided he would have his friend drive us home, after consuming too much alcohol. We had a great night, but what did we learn from this experience? That's right, on to the next one, and don't trust a man to stay sober enough to drive you home.
Night 2: Saturday April I can't remember, 2010: My friend and I decided to ride to the Hardware bar with a group of soldiers that I became friends with that were stationed at a local base. Mental note, never get into a car that is so beat to hell that you can see the road through the floor! Even if it is a Jeep. Thankfully they were a nice, trustworthy group of people. They weren't into drinking and driving and we had a good time piled into a car full of people and having to sit on other's laps. What can I say? You do stupid things in your late teens and early 20's. We had arranged to meet the guy that I was talking to from the night before at the bar, problematically I was also dating a guy from the group of soldiers. I spent a lot of time "in the bathroom", that night. In actuality I was running from the first floor of the bar to the third, and from Justin to Brad, Brad to Justin. Then, Brad made sure my friend and I got home safely.
It was a wonderful weekend of dancing on the bar, being put in the barber chair to do shots and have a hot bartender slap my ass with a leather belt, and living it up as Sammi and Char. It will never cease to amaze me how free it can feel to pretend your someone your not. I guess I should mention that shortly after meeting Brad I had added a signature to my text messages that said "*Erica*". Well, needless to say, I had been going on dates with this guy who met "Sammi" not Erica, and Sammi, forgot to tell Brad that her real name was Erica. So you can imagine the conversation that transpired after Brad got a text signed *Erica*. Good memories with good people, and no regrets. Just thankfully you know, the bottom didn't literally fall out of the Jeep on the way home!
Over and Out
Erica
Wedding Words of Wisdom for the Single Lady
It has been awhile since I have had the time to sit down and work on this blog. The past weekend has been a blur of preparing to watch one of my favorite couples in the world make it down the aisle. I am happy to say that after rehearsal, dinner, and a cold from being outside too long, my children's godmother and her fiance are now husband and wife. This wedding has given me a lot to think about. I have never really thought it was possible to love someone so much (outside of my children), that a man would tear up at the sight of the women he loves walking down the aisle in a white (OK it was ivory) dress. I was a bridesmaid in this wedding, and I can honestly say I feel so privileged to know such a loving, kind, wonderful couple. There are not enough positive adjectives in the English language to describe what wonderful people my friends Paula and Kenneth are. I cried like a baby when I saw my friend walk down the aisle. I have spent so much time wishing that I could have a wedding with my son's father, but something hit me at this wedding.
Seeing how they looked at each other, how happy they were to be committing to each other for the rest of their lives, and how engrossed they were in each other, I discovered that walking down the aisle with whatever I changed his name to for the sake of this blog, that we would never have that in a million years. No matter how hard either one of us tries, if we were ever together, it would strictly be for our children and we would all be miserable. I have previously, thought that once you have children you should stick together no matter what. I have held onto that idea for the past two years. It hit me somewhere around the time of the happy couple's first dance together (which was executed beautifully if your reading this), that I want to find a man that looks at me the way Kenneth looked at Paula at this wedding. I am still trying to process my slight shift in viewpoint, although I don't think you should throw the towel in on your family from the get go.
In addition to this change in attitude, and what I now know I want, I defiantly won't settle for anything less then a man who looks at me the way I'm describing what I witnessed this past Sunday. I always said I wanted someone to take out the trash, pull it to the curb every Tuesday and Friday morning, and bring it back at night, and to go put gas in my car when I don't feel like it. I am capable of the above, (as well as being the bug flusher, the one who had to pick a dead mouse out of the washer and re wash all the clothes, and the mother and father to my two boys), but that doesn't mean I like doing the bug and mouse thing, and taking charge of the garbage. I would honestly prefer to regulate those chores to someone else! I have a different idea now though. It's nice to have all of these things, but what matters is finding someone that completes you. I guess the idea of "your other half" really does exist, it's just up to us to wait for a great thing to come along.
Without further ado, I am going to hit the sheets, as I have some good dreams in store for me tonight I think!
Erica
Seeing how they looked at each other, how happy they were to be committing to each other for the rest of their lives, and how engrossed they were in each other, I discovered that walking down the aisle with whatever I changed his name to for the sake of this blog, that we would never have that in a million years. No matter how hard either one of us tries, if we were ever together, it would strictly be for our children and we would all be miserable. I have previously, thought that once you have children you should stick together no matter what. I have held onto that idea for the past two years. It hit me somewhere around the time of the happy couple's first dance together (which was executed beautifully if your reading this), that I want to find a man that looks at me the way Kenneth looked at Paula at this wedding. I am still trying to process my slight shift in viewpoint, although I don't think you should throw the towel in on your family from the get go.
In addition to this change in attitude, and what I now know I want, I defiantly won't settle for anything less then a man who looks at me the way I'm describing what I witnessed this past Sunday. I always said I wanted someone to take out the trash, pull it to the curb every Tuesday and Friday morning, and bring it back at night, and to go put gas in my car when I don't feel like it. I am capable of the above, (as well as being the bug flusher, the one who had to pick a dead mouse out of the washer and re wash all the clothes, and the mother and father to my two boys), but that doesn't mean I like doing the bug and mouse thing, and taking charge of the garbage. I would honestly prefer to regulate those chores to someone else! I have a different idea now though. It's nice to have all of these things, but what matters is finding someone that completes you. I guess the idea of "your other half" really does exist, it's just up to us to wait for a great thing to come along.
Without further ado, I am going to hit the sheets, as I have some good dreams in store for me tonight I think!
Erica
Updated: Officer Pablo and I meet again...Sort of
So yesterday I was running errands and I happened to be near the same place Officer Pablo pulled me over. I'll keep this short because it's not much of a story, but low and behold if I didn't see Officer Pablo again.
Thankfully he was driving, as was I, sans cell phone, and burned out headlight. (I did get my address on my license changed though, take that!) He looked at me real close and I'm pretty sure out of all the traffic stops he makes, he remembered me. I assume he was thinking, "there's the crazy lady I pulled over a few weeks ago, where she started crying hysterically over a warning, better say away from her", or something lovely to that affect.
I could have sworn I saw his car pick up speed as he passed. Just saying, another ticket successfully avoided.
Good night all!
Erica
Thankfully he was driving, as was I, sans cell phone, and burned out headlight. (I did get my address on my license changed though, take that!) He looked at me real close and I'm pretty sure out of all the traffic stops he makes, he remembered me. I assume he was thinking, "there's the crazy lady I pulled over a few weeks ago, where she started crying hysterically over a warning, better say away from her", or something lovely to that affect.
I could have sworn I saw his car pick up speed as he passed. Just saying, another ticket successfully avoided.
Good night all!
Erica
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Phone number F*** up
Today was a fairly normal day at work. I worked hard, got my stuff done, and had very little interaction with anyone, as my appointments all failed to show and I hid in my office all day. As usual I could not have a totally normal day with out incident. It wasn't as major as some of the things I have encountered during my days since entering single motherhood, but it defiantly could be classified as an embarrassing incident.
Let me give you some background on my story. The security guard at my office is a friend from high school. He has recently started reading my blog...He likes to say I have too much time on my hands, but yes it is funny. I like to say that I am dedicated. I stay up late to write. I could never do this while my kids are awake and running around. He read my post from the night before about my ex's. Being a local guy he used to be friends with the guy I referred to as "the rat". He knows some of the background history between this particular guy and I, and also knows that he would be one of the last people on earth I feel like talking to. He and I had discussed him coming over to power wash my house in couple weeks, as my neighborhood requires this be done at least once per year and I don't have the proper equipment to do it myself. Plus, lets see, I hate washing my car, why would I want to wash a whole house????
Anyway on to the good stuff. I had left my office for a meeting and when I got back the guard had left a phone number on my desk, I assumed, so I could call him about setting up a time to come wash my house for me. I sent a text, you know rather then doing the smart thing and asking him in person if it was his number, so I texted him and said "I got your message". Needless to say he then informed me that the number he left on my desk was that of "the rat". I didn't get a response but was thoroughly embarrassed, since although I did not have what was apparently his new phone number, chances are he still has mine. When the last thing you speak to someone is that they are a jerk and you never want to speak to them again, it kinda appears as if your crawling back, or attempting to try and get them back in your life if you contact them again. Totally not what I meant to do.
That and Billy Joe the security guard will never let me live that one down.
Oh well, live and learn. I learned to accept a long time ago that this is just the kind of thing that happens to me. I have got a long night of chores ahead of me, so time to run.
Over and Out
Erica
Let me give you some background on my story. The security guard at my office is a friend from high school. He has recently started reading my blog...He likes to say I have too much time on my hands, but yes it is funny. I like to say that I am dedicated. I stay up late to write. I could never do this while my kids are awake and running around. He read my post from the night before about my ex's. Being a local guy he used to be friends with the guy I referred to as "the rat". He knows some of the background history between this particular guy and I, and also knows that he would be one of the last people on earth I feel like talking to. He and I had discussed him coming over to power wash my house in couple weeks, as my neighborhood requires this be done at least once per year and I don't have the proper equipment to do it myself. Plus, lets see, I hate washing my car, why would I want to wash a whole house????
Anyway on to the good stuff. I had left my office for a meeting and when I got back the guard had left a phone number on my desk, I assumed, so I could call him about setting up a time to come wash my house for me. I sent a text, you know rather then doing the smart thing and asking him in person if it was his number, so I texted him and said "I got your message". Needless to say he then informed me that the number he left on my desk was that of "the rat". I didn't get a response but was thoroughly embarrassed, since although I did not have what was apparently his new phone number, chances are he still has mine. When the last thing you speak to someone is that they are a jerk and you never want to speak to them again, it kinda appears as if your crawling back, or attempting to try and get them back in your life if you contact them again. Totally not what I meant to do.
That and Billy Joe the security guard will never let me live that one down.
Oh well, live and learn. I learned to accept a long time ago that this is just the kind of thing that happens to me. I have got a long night of chores ahead of me, so time to run.
Over and Out
Erica
Monday, April 15, 2013
Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater
I haven't had a lot of time to record my daily experiences in awhile and have a lot to do this evening but I hate to neglect my blog..yeah I'm a little proud of it, so I am going to take some time to talk about a topic that intrigued me last night. While waiting for bedtime to come last night, I decided that my boys and I would watch "He's Just Not That In To You". You know, the movie where we are taught that if a man really wants u,s he will get us, and we are the rule and not the exception, and all that? Yeah, well I think I have decided that is totally true. After the dating roller coaster that I have been through over the past couple years, I can conclude one thing; as a general rule women do not matter to men, unless we are the exception. I can remember a couple months ago a friend told me she was "talking" to a guy who said he didn't want a relationship...period. My friend thought she could change this guy and change what he wanted. You will have more luck trying to change the seasons. I have come to find that they don't seek a relationship for the most part, if they find their "exception" they are all about it...if not, sorry your just the girl that will hold him over until he finds "the one". Let's take this example. We shall call him "Rat", since his nickname is already the name of a small, ugly rodent, and rat is pretty close to what he actually is. (No, I am actually not that bitter, but I just passed him on the road while thinking about what to write in the blog and it brought up some bitterness. No worries I responded to his blank stare with a well timed and perfectly aimed middle finger as we sat at the stop sign). Him probably waiting to see if I would ram his car, and me just letting him have the right of way. (No, I am not stupid enough to ram a car made in the 1980's, the mini hearse wouldn't stand a chance!) Anyway, back to the point of this story...I dated this particular rodent about four years ago and he told me the whole nine months he did not want a relationship, and being 21 years old and not quite as well versed in the encyclopedia of men as I am at almost 26, I believed him. At the nine month mark he suddenly stopped answering the phone and I soon found out he found "the one". After losing my shit on him, wreaking a car while texting him, getting told he didn't give a f*** if I was OK after my accident, I decided to move on to different things. I can't call it better things, but I firmly believe that everyone who enters your life serves a purpose, even if it's just to show you how much better you can do and to teach you a lesson. Needless to say, I can't say I didn't go back to him in a moment or two of weakness upon moving home from college. So sue me..he has since knocked up a actively using drug addict and lives with his baby mama parents and 30 something girlfriend. To each his own I suppose. All I can say is karma is a you know what! I defiantly agree. I was not so great to several very nice guys before it all caught up with me.
After several other failed attempts at dating losers who "didn't want a girlfriend", I apparently still had not learned my lesson, or the value of a good man. I had graduated college and had moved away for my first big girl job. I decided to go visit my college, as I had a good friend still living in the area where my college was located. It was Valentine's day 2010, and I had been "dumped" by the army guy I had been dating on Valentine's day, due to a fit of alcohol induced stupidity. I decided to tell his ex girlfriend (who went to my college) that he was my boyfriend. Mainly just because I didn't like her, and wanted to piss her off. He was not happy. After all, he didn't want a girlfriend. He is now married to someone he met in the army. Good riddance, I now know that if he was any type of man besides a horses ass, he would have either given me the relationship I wanted or kept his flattering comments and flirting to himself and been the friend to me he claimed to be...What did I do in typical vengeful female style? I went to a party at a guy house off campus with my friend that I was visiting. There I met my children's father, who eventually became this guy's frat brother. I like to call this the best and worst day of my life. I say best because I wouldn't have Alex and Daniel without him, but worst because, damn I didn't want him to become a permanent fixture in my life, and I allowed him to completely break me in half, rip my heart out, and stomp all over it. I guess at the time I thought a house full of soulless males (as my friend so eloquently calls them) was just a hell of a good time to party with. We were reflecting the other day on why we thought they were so cool. I guess at one point in our lives a group of men who would have "hogging" contests seemed funny. Now it just seems cruel. (If you don't know what hogging means, it meant they would all go out and try to find the most overweight girl possible to bring home with them). Not only hurtful and humiliating to the girl but what kind of person does that?? I wonder how I could have laughed at that at the time and I suppose it just shows how powerful the attention of a group of men can be, how special it makes you feel, and how your the hot girl they are hanging out with..Then you find out they are just as awful about you behind your back. I digress though, that's not the point of this story. I've mentioned "Charlie" before. He is Alex and Daniel's dad, and the man I was stupid enough to sneak around with, when he had a girlfriend. Had I been at the place I am today and happy with myself, I would have told him to stick his dick in an electrical outlet, but I wasn't so before you judge, it wasn't smart to sneak around with a guy who wasn't single, but I defiantly wasn't at a good place in my life. He told me how much he liked me, and how he couldn't decide who he liked better...Lies, lies, lies, had he really cared about me he would have just been with me. It all finally came to a head when he had me over one night, after he claimed he dumped his girlfriend. I found out he had lied about having guard duty that night (right down to putting his uniform on and packing his truck up), to get me to leave his house in time for his girlfriend to get there as she was on her way up as we were doing our thing. I informed her of everything via Facebook message that evening. I do not take things lying down, and I do not let a man make a fool of me and get away with it. That, and I was extremely hurt more than I was angry. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from going back. (I find it amusing that he later told me that we couldn't be in a relationship because he couldn't trust me. WHAT???? um anyone see something effed here?)
I think we are conditioned to believe the stupid stories that we tell ourselves about them being busy, being sick, out of cell range, whatever bull s*** stories they throw our way. We know when they lie, but we do everything we can to convince ourselves and our friends that he's just busy. It takes thirty seconds to send a text that says "miss you babe". As my next birthday approaches this coming Friday, I take in the gray hairs, extra skin that has appeared around my waist from years of alcohol, wings, and most recently child birth, and I see the wrinkle that has appeared in between my eyebrows. I suppose I wouldn't go back to being so clueless and naive for anything. It may have taken two kids, but I have learned so much. I guess I wasn't getting it and may never have gotten it had I not met Charlie and had Alex and Daniel. I suppose in a way I should thank Charlie for everything he has taught me, (although next time he text's his girlfriend from my couch, I may shove the phone down his throat). I have learned a life with him isn't what I want and I would be miserable had life not turned out exactly the way it was supposed to turn out. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I firmly believe that.
Moving past Charlie, I met a guy that I thought was "the one", he seemed so perfect, and was the first guy that I cared about enough to forget Charlie. After spending the night at Charlie's house after our son's first birthday, and texting "Anthony" from his bed all night, when Charlie walked into the room to get dressed the next morning all I could think about was how much I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and what was I thinking. I still know I wasn't in a very good emotional place at this time, as all it took was Anthony deciding he didn't want to be around my kids (a.k.a he met someone else, he still denies to this day he did. Facebook doesn't lie buddy!), I completely fell apart once again. I failed to see he was only put in my life to show me I could get over Charlie. I still can admit the weakness that I text Anthony sometimes if I am feeling low. He is kind of like my booster buddy, when I need to be told how attactive I am. That is next on the to do list of kicking people to the curb. Give me a break, even strong women have bad habits they need to kick.
My most recent experience was with a wealthy guy who is big at a large bank. He drives a nice car and has plenty of money to spend, even if he is a bit uptight and cheap. I met him on an on line dating site, and he made it clear from the beginning he only wanted one thing. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what. Needless to say, this quickly dashed my hopes of being parked in the carpool lane, waiting my for my kids outside some fancy private school, in my brand new soccer mommy van, sipping my non fat latte. I have never been more proud of myself, then the moment I told him where to go. He said fine and texted me two days later to make sure I was serious. He called me a couple weeks ago and apologized for his behavior and said he really liked me and wanted to start over. He said he wanted to work towards a relationship and etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Being burned before, I told him no and he finally begged and pleaded enough over the course of a few days that I agreed to see him again. He was going to bring dinner to my house. I tried to get my kids in bed the night of the said dinner date, so we could enjoy dinner. (I tend to find dates with my children throwing their corn and mashed potato's at a mans head tends to be the last date, plus I have tried to limit the men my kids meet now that they are old enough to realize when people are gone). I was frustrated and tired and called him to let him know the kids were still awake. He told me he didn't want to come if they wouldn't go back to bed, because he didn't want to ever meet them. That made it pretty clear what he was still after. At this point I was pissed. I told him "F*** you, don't bother coming", and hung up on him. I would never change what I am doing with Alex and Daniel to suit someone else, my home is their home, and no one will change that around just to make things more convenient on them. I haven't looked back since, and am happy to say that I am not the type of mother that chooses a man over her kids. Especially a thirty year old POS, who has to lie to attempt to get some, and still failed.
Single parenthood has been an adventure. I can still say I'm single, but I'm happy with that. I still have too much to learn about myself and too many things I need to accomplish to be the best mom I can be to my sons, to let myself get torn up over a man or to seek one out. I'm just happy being me and a wonderful mother to my boys.
I think what I hope that women take away from this post is to date smarter, trust your instincts, and be honest with yourself and your girlfriends. Telling each other what we want to hear isn't getting us anywhere. Call it like you see it (don't be rude, just honest), and we can save ourselves a lot of heartbreak in the future.
Now that it is way past my bed time...
Over and Out,
Erica
After several other failed attempts at dating losers who "didn't want a girlfriend", I apparently still had not learned my lesson, or the value of a good man. I had graduated college and had moved away for my first big girl job. I decided to go visit my college, as I had a good friend still living in the area where my college was located. It was Valentine's day 2010, and I had been "dumped" by the army guy I had been dating on Valentine's day, due to a fit of alcohol induced stupidity. I decided to tell his ex girlfriend (who went to my college) that he was my boyfriend. Mainly just because I didn't like her, and wanted to piss her off. He was not happy. After all, he didn't want a girlfriend. He is now married to someone he met in the army. Good riddance, I now know that if he was any type of man besides a horses ass, he would have either given me the relationship I wanted or kept his flattering comments and flirting to himself and been the friend to me he claimed to be...What did I do in typical vengeful female style? I went to a party at a guy house off campus with my friend that I was visiting. There I met my children's father, who eventually became this guy's frat brother. I like to call this the best and worst day of my life. I say best because I wouldn't have Alex and Daniel without him, but worst because, damn I didn't want him to become a permanent fixture in my life, and I allowed him to completely break me in half, rip my heart out, and stomp all over it. I guess at the time I thought a house full of soulless males (as my friend so eloquently calls them) was just a hell of a good time to party with. We were reflecting the other day on why we thought they were so cool. I guess at one point in our lives a group of men who would have "hogging" contests seemed funny. Now it just seems cruel. (If you don't know what hogging means, it meant they would all go out and try to find the most overweight girl possible to bring home with them). Not only hurtful and humiliating to the girl but what kind of person does that?? I wonder how I could have laughed at that at the time and I suppose it just shows how powerful the attention of a group of men can be, how special it makes you feel, and how your the hot girl they are hanging out with..Then you find out they are just as awful about you behind your back. I digress though, that's not the point of this story. I've mentioned "Charlie" before. He is Alex and Daniel's dad, and the man I was stupid enough to sneak around with, when he had a girlfriend. Had I been at the place I am today and happy with myself, I would have told him to stick his dick in an electrical outlet, but I wasn't so before you judge, it wasn't smart to sneak around with a guy who wasn't single, but I defiantly wasn't at a good place in my life. He told me how much he liked me, and how he couldn't decide who he liked better...Lies, lies, lies, had he really cared about me he would have just been with me. It all finally came to a head when he had me over one night, after he claimed he dumped his girlfriend. I found out he had lied about having guard duty that night (right down to putting his uniform on and packing his truck up), to get me to leave his house in time for his girlfriend to get there as she was on her way up as we were doing our thing. I informed her of everything via Facebook message that evening. I do not take things lying down, and I do not let a man make a fool of me and get away with it. That, and I was extremely hurt more than I was angry. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from going back. (I find it amusing that he later told me that we couldn't be in a relationship because he couldn't trust me. WHAT???? um anyone see something effed here?)
I think we are conditioned to believe the stupid stories that we tell ourselves about them being busy, being sick, out of cell range, whatever bull s*** stories they throw our way. We know when they lie, but we do everything we can to convince ourselves and our friends that he's just busy. It takes thirty seconds to send a text that says "miss you babe". As my next birthday approaches this coming Friday, I take in the gray hairs, extra skin that has appeared around my waist from years of alcohol, wings, and most recently child birth, and I see the wrinkle that has appeared in between my eyebrows. I suppose I wouldn't go back to being so clueless and naive for anything. It may have taken two kids, but I have learned so much. I guess I wasn't getting it and may never have gotten it had I not met Charlie and had Alex and Daniel. I suppose in a way I should thank Charlie for everything he has taught me, (although next time he text's his girlfriend from my couch, I may shove the phone down his throat). I have learned a life with him isn't what I want and I would be miserable had life not turned out exactly the way it was supposed to turn out. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I firmly believe that.
Moving past Charlie, I met a guy that I thought was "the one", he seemed so perfect, and was the first guy that I cared about enough to forget Charlie. After spending the night at Charlie's house after our son's first birthday, and texting "Anthony" from his bed all night, when Charlie walked into the room to get dressed the next morning all I could think about was how much I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and what was I thinking. I still know I wasn't in a very good emotional place at this time, as all it took was Anthony deciding he didn't want to be around my kids (a.k.a he met someone else, he still denies to this day he did. Facebook doesn't lie buddy!), I completely fell apart once again. I failed to see he was only put in my life to show me I could get over Charlie. I still can admit the weakness that I text Anthony sometimes if I am feeling low. He is kind of like my booster buddy, when I need to be told how attactive I am. That is next on the to do list of kicking people to the curb. Give me a break, even strong women have bad habits they need to kick.
My most recent experience was with a wealthy guy who is big at a large bank. He drives a nice car and has plenty of money to spend, even if he is a bit uptight and cheap. I met him on an on line dating site, and he made it clear from the beginning he only wanted one thing. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what. Needless to say, this quickly dashed my hopes of being parked in the carpool lane, waiting my for my kids outside some fancy private school, in my brand new soccer mommy van, sipping my non fat latte. I have never been more proud of myself, then the moment I told him where to go. He said fine and texted me two days later to make sure I was serious. He called me a couple weeks ago and apologized for his behavior and said he really liked me and wanted to start over. He said he wanted to work towards a relationship and etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Being burned before, I told him no and he finally begged and pleaded enough over the course of a few days that I agreed to see him again. He was going to bring dinner to my house. I tried to get my kids in bed the night of the said dinner date, so we could enjoy dinner. (I tend to find dates with my children throwing their corn and mashed potato's at a mans head tends to be the last date, plus I have tried to limit the men my kids meet now that they are old enough to realize when people are gone). I was frustrated and tired and called him to let him know the kids were still awake. He told me he didn't want to come if they wouldn't go back to bed, because he didn't want to ever meet them. That made it pretty clear what he was still after. At this point I was pissed. I told him "F*** you, don't bother coming", and hung up on him. I would never change what I am doing with Alex and Daniel to suit someone else, my home is their home, and no one will change that around just to make things more convenient on them. I haven't looked back since, and am happy to say that I am not the type of mother that chooses a man over her kids. Especially a thirty year old POS, who has to lie to attempt to get some, and still failed.
Single parenthood has been an adventure. I can still say I'm single, but I'm happy with that. I still have too much to learn about myself and too many things I need to accomplish to be the best mom I can be to my sons, to let myself get torn up over a man or to seek one out. I'm just happy being me and a wonderful mother to my boys.
I think what I hope that women take away from this post is to date smarter, trust your instincts, and be honest with yourself and your girlfriends. Telling each other what we want to hear isn't getting us anywhere. Call it like you see it (don't be rude, just honest), and we can save ourselves a lot of heartbreak in the future.
Now that it is way past my bed time...
Over and Out,
Erica
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