I haven't had a lot of time to record my daily experiences in awhile and have a lot to do this evening but I hate to neglect my blog..yeah I'm a little proud of it, so I am going to take some time to talk about a topic that intrigued me last night. While waiting for bedtime to come last night, I decided that my boys and I would watch "He's Just Not That In To You". You know, the movie where we are taught that if a man really wants u,s he will get us, and we are the rule and not the exception, and all that? Yeah, well I think I have decided that is totally true. After the dating roller coaster that I have been through over the past couple years, I can conclude one thing; as a general rule women do not matter to men, unless we are the exception. I can remember a couple months ago a friend told me she was "talking" to a guy who said he didn't want a relationship...period. My friend thought she could change this guy and change what he wanted. You will have more luck trying to change the seasons. I have come to find that they don't seek a relationship for the most part, if they find their "exception" they are all about it...if not, sorry your just the girl that will hold him over until he finds "the one". Let's take this example. We shall call him "Rat", since his nickname is already the name of a small, ugly rodent, and rat is pretty close to what he actually is. (No, I am actually not that bitter, but I just passed him on the road while thinking about what to write in the blog and it brought up some bitterness. No worries I responded to his blank stare with a well timed and perfectly aimed middle finger as we sat at the stop sign). Him probably waiting to see if I would ram his car, and me just letting him have the right of way. (No, I am not stupid enough to ram a car made in the 1980's, the mini hearse wouldn't stand a chance!) Anyway, back to the point of this story...I dated this particular rodent about four years ago and he told me the whole nine months he did not want a relationship, and being 21 years old and not quite as well versed in the encyclopedia of men as I am at almost 26, I believed him. At the nine month mark he suddenly stopped answering the phone and I soon found out he found "the one". After losing my shit on him, wreaking a car while texting him, getting told he didn't give a f*** if I was OK after my accident, I decided to move on to different things. I can't call it better things, but I firmly believe that everyone who enters your life serves a purpose, even if it's just to show you how much better you can do and to teach you a lesson. Needless to say, I can't say I didn't go back to him in a moment or two of weakness upon moving home from college. So sue me..he has since knocked up a actively using drug addict and lives with his baby mama parents and 30 something girlfriend. To each his own I suppose. All I can say is karma is a you know what! I defiantly agree. I was not so great to several very nice guys before it all caught up with me.
After several other failed attempts at dating losers who "didn't want a girlfriend", I apparently still had not learned my lesson, or the value of a good man. I had graduated college and had moved away for my first big girl job. I decided to go visit my college, as I had a good friend still living in the area where my college was located. It was Valentine's day 2010, and I had been "dumped" by the army guy I had been dating on Valentine's day, due to a fit of alcohol induced stupidity. I decided to tell his ex girlfriend (who went to my college) that he was my boyfriend. Mainly just because I didn't like her, and wanted to piss her off. He was not happy. After all, he didn't want a girlfriend. He is now married to someone he met in the army. Good riddance, I now know that if he was any type of man besides a horses ass, he would have either given me the relationship I wanted or kept his flattering comments and flirting to himself and been the friend to me he claimed to be...What did I do in typical vengeful female style? I went to a party at a guy house off campus with my friend that I was visiting. There I met my children's father, who eventually became this guy's frat brother. I like to call this the best and worst day of my life. I say best because I wouldn't have Alex and Daniel without him, but worst because, damn I didn't want him to become a permanent fixture in my life, and I allowed him to completely break me in half, rip my heart out, and stomp all over it. I guess at the time I thought a house full of soulless males (as my friend so eloquently calls them) was just a hell of a good time to party with. We were reflecting the other day on why we thought they were so cool. I guess at one point in our lives a group of men who would have "hogging" contests seemed funny. Now it just seems cruel. (If you don't know what hogging means, it meant they would all go out and try to find the most overweight girl possible to bring home with them). Not only hurtful and humiliating to the girl but what kind of person does that?? I wonder how I could have laughed at that at the time and I suppose it just shows how powerful the attention of a group of men can be, how special it makes you feel, and how your the hot girl they are hanging out with..Then you find out they are just as awful about you behind your back. I digress though, that's not the point of this story. I've mentioned "Charlie" before. He is Alex and Daniel's dad, and the man I was stupid enough to sneak around with, when he had a girlfriend. Had I been at the place I am today and happy with myself, I would have told him to stick his dick in an electrical outlet, but I wasn't so before you judge, it wasn't smart to sneak around with a guy who wasn't single, but I defiantly wasn't at a good place in my life. He told me how much he liked me, and how he couldn't decide who he liked better...Lies, lies, lies, had he really cared about me he would have just been with me. It all finally came to a head when he had me over one night, after he claimed he dumped his girlfriend. I found out he had lied about having guard duty that night (right down to putting his uniform on and packing his truck up), to get me to leave his house in time for his girlfriend to get there as she was on her way up as we were doing our thing. I informed her of everything via Facebook message that evening. I do not take things lying down, and I do not let a man make a fool of me and get away with it. That, and I was extremely hurt more than I was angry. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from going back. (I find it amusing that he later told me that we couldn't be in a relationship because he couldn't trust me. WHAT???? um anyone see something effed here?)
I think we are conditioned to believe the stupid stories that we tell ourselves about them being busy, being sick, out of cell range, whatever bull s*** stories they throw our way. We know when they lie, but we do everything we can to convince ourselves and our friends that he's just busy. It takes thirty seconds to send a text that says "miss you babe". As my next birthday approaches this coming Friday, I take in the gray hairs, extra skin that has appeared around my waist from years of alcohol, wings, and most recently child birth, and I see the wrinkle that has appeared in between my eyebrows. I suppose I wouldn't go back to being so clueless and naive for anything. It may have taken two kids, but I have learned so much. I guess I wasn't getting it and may never have gotten it had I not met Charlie and had Alex and Daniel. I suppose in a way I should thank Charlie for everything he has taught me, (although next time he text's his girlfriend from my couch, I may shove the phone down his throat). I have learned a life with him isn't what I want and I would be miserable had life not turned out exactly the way it was supposed to turn out. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I firmly believe that.
Moving past Charlie, I met a guy that I thought was "the one", he seemed so perfect, and was the first guy that I cared about enough to forget Charlie. After spending the night at Charlie's house after our son's first birthday, and texting "Anthony" from his bed all night, when Charlie walked into the room to get dressed the next morning all I could think about was how much I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and what was I thinking. I still know I wasn't in a very good emotional place at this time, as all it took was Anthony deciding he didn't want to be around my kids (a.k.a he met someone else, he still denies to this day he did. Facebook doesn't lie buddy!), I completely fell apart once again. I failed to see he was only put in my life to show me I could get over Charlie. I still can admit the weakness that I text Anthony sometimes if I am feeling low. He is kind of like my booster buddy, when I need to be told how attactive I am. That is next on the to do list of kicking people to the curb. Give me a break, even strong women have bad habits they need to kick.
My most recent experience was with a wealthy guy who is big at a large bank. He drives a nice car and has plenty of money to spend, even if he is a bit uptight and cheap. I met him on an on line dating site, and he made it clear from the beginning he only wanted one thing. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what. Needless to say, this quickly dashed my hopes of being parked in the carpool lane, waiting my for my kids outside some fancy private school, in my brand new soccer mommy van, sipping my non fat latte. I have never been more proud of myself, then the moment I told him where to go. He said fine and texted me two days later to make sure I was serious. He called me a couple weeks ago and apologized for his behavior and said he really liked me and wanted to start over. He said he wanted to work towards a relationship and etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Being burned before, I told him no and he finally begged and pleaded enough over the course of a few days that I agreed to see him again. He was going to bring dinner to my house. I tried to get my kids in bed the night of the said dinner date, so we could enjoy dinner. (I tend to find dates with my children throwing their corn and mashed potato's at a mans head tends to be the last date, plus I have tried to limit the men my kids meet now that they are old enough to realize when people are gone). I was frustrated and tired and called him to let him know the kids were still awake. He told me he didn't want to come if they wouldn't go back to bed, because he didn't want to ever meet them. That made it pretty clear what he was still after. At this point I was pissed. I told him "F*** you, don't bother coming", and hung up on him. I would never change what I am doing with Alex and Daniel to suit someone else, my home is their home, and no one will change that around just to make things more convenient on them. I haven't looked back since, and am happy to say that I am not the type of mother that chooses a man over her kids. Especially a thirty year old POS, who has to lie to attempt to get some, and still failed.
Single parenthood has been an adventure. I can still say I'm single, but I'm happy with that. I still have too much to learn about myself and too many things I need to accomplish to be the best mom I can be to my sons, to let myself get torn up over a man or to seek one out. I'm just happy being me and a wonderful mother to my boys.
I think what I hope that women take away from this post is to date smarter, trust your instincts, and be honest with yourself and your girlfriends. Telling each other what we want to hear isn't getting us anywhere. Call it like you see it (don't be rude, just honest), and we can save ourselves a lot of heartbreak in the future.
Now that it is way past my bed time...
Over and Out,
Erica
No comments:
Post a Comment