When you find out your pregnant, it can steam many different
emotions and feelings. There is the excitement of those who have tried and
tried and finally it happens. Then there is the couple that has not had any
issues but is so thrilled they are pregnant. Then there is a very different
feeling. I like to call this the WTF I AM SO SCREWED feeling. I would like to
lump myself into the latter category. Before we get carried away, no I do not
fall into the category of “get knocked up, live off the government for the rest
of my life by popping out kid after kid”. At the time I found myself pregnant
out of my own stupidity and carelessness (although it takes two to tango, we
will cover that in another post, or maybe later in this one depending on my
mood), I had already graduated college, worked a stable job for a year, and was
returning to work on a Master’s degree. No, I never got the degree, but one
could argue that god, (or whatever you believe in) has a plan for us. Instead
of a degree in school counseling that I soon found out I did not want, I got my
beautiful sons Alex and Daniel. Was it an ideal situation? Of course not. Two babies
and a father who suddenly decides to peace out when the going gets rough never
is. Messy? For sure, but sometimes messy makes us the people we are today.
Messy teaches us how strong we can be when life gets hard. In case some of you
noticed, life loves nothing more to kick us when we are already down. What I
learned about myself is little things do not matter, and I am a heck of a lot
stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I took my immature, party girl
lifestyle and have turned it into the life of a responsible adult. I have two
healthy and happy little boys, and a career I am proud of, and am currently
working on starting the MSW program I am interested in.
Anyway, I realized that I have just given you the basic “life
is hard and you have to deal with it” talk, as I would do with any of my
patient’s at work, I am going to digress because that was not the point of this
post. Also, it’s Friday night, I have forty-eight
hours away from work and I am not counseling anyone on my weekend! Back to the
point of my post. When I found out I was pregnant, I think somewhere deep down
I already knew it, but was in denial. As good as I am at making other’s see the
light and accept reality, I am darn good at deluding myself. I had a friend at
the time that worked at Wal*Mart. We will call her Cassie. She was currently
pregnant and I told her I was late, which had never EVER happened. I remember
this talk like it was yesterday. This is how the conversation went:
Cassie: “I bet you’re
pregnant”.
Me: “I am not, there’s
no way, and I don’t even think I can get pregnant”.
Cassie: “We’re in
Wal*Mart, I dare you to go buy a test and go in the bathroom find out”.
Me: “Ok”
Clearly, we all know how that test went. Then it was time to
have a conversation with the baby daddy. Let’s call him Charlie. I won’t go
into a lot of detail but the bottom line was take care of the problem or I’m out. Before
we condemn “Charlie” to pos baby daddy material, I am happy to report that he
is now a more active part of Alex and Daniel’s lives and a loving father to the
best of his ability. Although we did not work out, there are certainly a lot
more unhappy ways this could have ended, then the mostly positive journey we
are currently embarking on as co parenting two children.
On to informing my parent’s.
I told my father first, mainly because he was home, and I was living in
Frostburg and just visiting for the day and had to get back to Frostburg. I
brought my friend Sarah (all names have been changed to protect the identity of
my friends and family), for protection. I will remember sitting in my parent’s
kitchen, unable to speak, until Sarah finally said, “just tell him already”. My
dad goes “What are ya knocked up”? (Totally did not think I was going to say
yes). I said yes, in fact I was. I will never forget the response that that prompted. “JESUS
CHRIST ERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!). To which I started crying like the daddy’s girl I
am. At this point, my dad switched to comforting daddy mode,
which to this day I am incredibly grateful for. (Normally when my father does
not know what to do with me, he yells). At this point, I decided it was time to
hit the road before my mother got home. After convincing my father to not tell
my mother, I was out the door home free, or so I thought.
Until…I’m going through Baltimore on 695 and my phone rang.
It was my mom and she requested we meet for dinner. I agreed after conferring with
my friend. I asked my friend “do you think she knows”. Well, I knew she did the
second I pulled up and got out of the car. After a long evening of crying and a
lot of emotion, I got in my car and headed back to school. My mom will admit to
this day she was mostly just pissed that I told my dad before I told her.
Then two weeks later we found out it was twins. My friend's and family always tell me I never do anything half way!
All’s well that ends well and it sure makes an interesting
story, at least for my family and I. Hope you enjoyed and could maybe even
relate.
Over and Out,
Erica
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