Mommy Mishaps, Missed Turns, and Murphy’s Law, and General Chaos:

Mommy Mishaps, Missed Turns, and Murphy’s Law, and General Chaos:

 

How many of my mommy friends out there have been driving down the road, the children are in the back seat, normally screaming, yelling “Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!!!” over and over, and eating random snacks they found in the car seat, leftover from last Sunday’s ride to church? I know we have all been there. Then there is the moment you realize you were too busy multi-tasking in your head to remember the correct turn you have to take to get to daycare, to pick up the kids, so you can take them to the doctor, stop and pick up dinner at the grocery store, with all three of your children whining that they want this and that, and getting mad when you say no. How many of you get to a stop sign some days, and realize you have no idea where you are? How many times have you planned to run to the store and forgot the diaper bag, and whoops, there's a blow out? This is my list of my favorite adventures in mommy hood thus far, where I cannot do anything but shake my head, laugh it off, and keep on moving forward.

1.       “ Where’s Mommy?”: Prior to having children I have always had a hard time remembering where I am going while driving if I am in a routine and don’t have to think about where I am going. Today, on the way to pick up my children from a friend I was so busy thinking about the rest of my night I realized (when I got to a stop sign) that I was headed to my parent’s house instead of my friend’s house..Opps.

 

2.       “Failure to Launch”: About three weeks ago, I was supposed to be picking up my son’s godmother and driving to Washington DC for the day. As I pulled up to the daycare provider’s home, I realized I had gone the opposite direction I intended to go. Another fail on my part.

 

 

3.       “Better Late than Never?”:  Normally I work at 6:30 am, so I leave my house by 5:30am. On Thursday’s I don’t go to work until 7:30 am and don’t have to be there until 8:30 am. I am always late, so you can imagine how good I felt when I got out of the house around 5:15 am and was thinking I would be on time for once. That’s all fine and good, except it was Thursday and I had to turn around (after arriving at the daycare) and go home for another couple hours. In this time, the boys and I fell back asleep and were still running late when we woke up. My parent friends out there can relate to the pain of waking a sleeping child. That S*** hurts. No matter what, we love our children, but we really love our sleeping children.

 

4.       “A Well Padded Experience”- Murphy’s Law: About two Friday nights ago, I decided to go to the mall with a friend and my boys. My brain, being that it is slightly overwhelmed with everything that goes on inside it, forgot the diaper bag. Not only did I forget it, we were an hour from home, it was getting late, and Alex got a bad case of the poos. Diaperless, an hour from home, and lacking any nearby store that sold diapers, I went into a gas station hoping to find a small pack of diapers, even the wrong size would do at that point. Nope, no diapers. Desperate times call for desperate measures. What did I do? I bought a pack of pads and a little pack of wet wipes for hands and improvised. Will I tell my son he ever wore a pad? Of course not, but now that the situation has passed and I have stopped beating myself up over forgetting the diaper bag, it is a funny story that I will think about whenever he is driving me crazy in his teenage years and have a chuckle over.

 

5.       I’d like to call this one “S*** hit’s the fan at the National Zoo”. I realize many of my experiences seem to involve poop, but I think this is a standard par for the course. Slightly out of control bodily functions are expected and normal with young children. Upon arriving at the national zoo, we discovered soon after heading down the Asia trail that Alex had yet another one of his quickly becoming famous number 2 escapades. After running through the zoo to the nearest gift shop to buy new, overpriced clothing, all I can do is apologize to the fishing cats along the Asia trail and hope they don’t think too low of humans and their bathroom habits!

 

6.       “Nudity is Normal”: At least where my little boys, and many of my friend’s children are concerned. The daycare provider that keeps my sons requested onesie’s be on my children at all times. Otherwise, they will strip down at naptime, diapers and everything, and I’m sure I don’t have to explain what happens when a baby takes his/her diaper off. With this phase, along with potty training, has come the discovery of one’s self, as I will put it to be gentle. As a friend’s mother put it, “they never stop playing with it. They only get worse as they get older’. Wayyy too much to think about with my boys. I think they figured (as they decided to streak naked, through their birthday party), that it was only appropriate to wear their birthday suits to their birthday party!

 

7.       “Sunday Fun day”: It seems like Sunday mornings tend to be a rough time in our household. It’s all fine and good until after breakfast, then an invisible dam breaks and it’s a circus act from that point forth until we arrive at church and the boys see their beloved Aunt Paula and Uncle Kenneth. (Remember to my friends reading this, your names have been changed), and life is good again in the world of Alex and Daniel. I’m having a hard time picking just one experience, so here are a few Sunday morning experiences.

 

a.       The most recent would be Easter Sunday. The boys were actually, quite well behaved as their father was visiting and helped get them ready. Once in my car and alone with mommy, the screaming and crying, and our recent line, “I walk, I WALK, I WALKKKKKK!!!” started in. This is the time I normally turn up the radio and practice my ignoring skills (which have gotten pretty amazing).  Everything was fine once we arrived at church, until the children’s sermon. After the sermon, my son Daniel decided to make a run for the alter. I took his hand to redirect him, and he threw himself down in front of the entire church and was kicking and fighting me. Thankfully, he did not scream and yell, but nothing says embarrassment like being sprawled out on the floor in the front of the church, fighting with your 31-pound two-year-old, midway through the Easter Sunday Service. Praise Jesus I had decided to change out of the dress I started in that day. WWE smack down at the alter is bad enough without showing the world your lady parts.

b.      I think my other favorite Sunday morning episode was mother’s day 2012. I got both boys ready for church. They looked oh so handsome. I decided to make the decision to let them feed themselves while I got ready myself. (Totally dumb move and an amateur mistake. Parenting is defiantly a learning experience at every step). I heard a crash and realized Daniel had thrown a bowel of cereal and milk across the room.  I cleaned up the mess, grumbled a bit to myself and hauled the kids out to the car. Fast forward to church. As I lean over to put Daniel’s shoes that he took off and threw back on, my new Iphone crashed out of the diaper bag and hit the pavement and totally shattered. At that point, I was done. Aunt Paula and Uncle Kenneth spent church with the boys, while mommy drove around to avoid a totally loss of sanity.  

c.       Lastly, as far as pre church related incidents go would be the fried rice incident. I had gotten Chinese food for my children the night before. My children will eat almost any hot and spicy food or food of any origin (sometimes things that are not food as well). While I was changing a diaper, the other baby opened the fridge door and got my greasy pork fried rice out of the fridge and dumped it everywhere. To make matters worse as I ran into the kitchen, (clearly not thinking the floor that I washed the night before would be slippery) and busted my butt on the slippery, greasy, kitchen floor. What can you do at that point besides pick yourself up, stick the kids in the car, head to church, and spend the service praying you don’t wring their necks? (For the record, that is a joke. I never want to, and never have, and never will, cause physical harm to my children).

 

8.       “Lack of Common Sense Meets Baby Brain”: When my children were about one week old I was staying with my parent’s and had to walk the dogs while my parents were at work. My children are twins, meaning that they were tiny, they didn’t want to eat right, and as a result, they defiantly were not sleeping right. I can honestly say I would not have survived the first two months of my son’s lives if it were not for my wonderful support system. Anyway, back to my story. I laid the babies in their bouncers and strapped them in. I figured I could leave the garage door open and the main door leading to the house and still walk the dogs and hear my children. This was a wonderful idea…until the wind blew the door shut and someone forgot to unlock the door before she went out it. After a few minutes of trying to break into my parent’s house in a panic, I remembered my parent’s neighbors had an extra key. This was awesome, as I would not have to call the fire department or worse my mom or dad and ask them to come home, therefore leaving my babies alone for a long period of time, or end up being murdered by my mother for my stupidity. Keep in mind at one week of my children’s lives I hadn’t brushed my hair in about a week, my teeth for about twenty four hours, or showered in about four days. I was in pajamas, and had no shoes on, and had to walk myself down the road to get the extra key. That was one walk of shame I hope to never repeat, and I can say I have not since.  

 

I think the bottom line is that parenting is hard work. It’s stressful, scary, frustrating as heck, and a lot of pressure knowing that you are solely responsible for another person’s survival. Parenting is also a wonderful experience. There is nothing better than when on e of my boys crawls into my lap to read a story before bedtime or says, “Mommy I love you”. It can be difficult learning how to deal with the frustrating times, and the times our children make us angry. It takes some longer than others longer to develop the coping skills to let their children’s tantrums and cranky moods roll off our shoulders and let them go. As a counselor of a parenting group therapy class and someone who has struggled with learning patience for my children, I think the best things to remember are that the worst tantrums will make for the best embarrassing stories when our children are older, and that with a little love, patience, and understanding our children will grow up to be the best they can be and will always know they have their families to count on.