Sammi and Char Take on Harrisburg

Although I have been keeping my blog mainly about my experiences as a mommy, I have many pre mommy experiences that I believe are exciting and funny, dating back to my college days, all the way up to three days prior to finding out I was expecting.

Here is one of the stories detailing a time period shortly after college. They say you meet the women who will be in your bridal party (I know, I know, I'm on a wedding kick tonight), some day at college. I have my friends from high school, and my child hood friends, that I can say will be my bridesmaids, should I ever decide to change my single status, and find someone who wants to help me out with that, but I also have many wonderful people that I met while in college. One of these women we shall call Kenzie. Kenzie and have have been through so much, along with another two women that I became close with while in college. From dates at CiCi's pizza, nights out with the Friday Four, to almost getting kicked out of American Eagle for taking pictures in rock star sunglasses, to our adventures in Harrisburg. After our sunglasses incident we called ourselves Paris and Nicole. As in Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

Fast forward to the year after I graduated from college. I was living in PA, about 45 minutes outside of Harrisburg. In Harrisburg there is this really awesome bar/club called the Hardware Bar. It is an amazing place for a good time and I highly recommend it to anyone who likes to party. (Again with the marriage thing, Kenzie says that I will be having a bachelorette party there if I get married). That's how many memories were made at this place. The first time we visited the Hardware bar we decided that we were going to make up fake names to introduce ourselves as to anyone we met. Hence Sammi and Char were born. Sammi was a crime scene investigator (and way prior to the Sammi on Jersey Shore),  and I believe Char was a special ed teacher, however I could be wrong. Aging is a bitch.

Here are a few stories detailing the weekend of my 23rd birthday;

Night 1: Friday April whatever 2010: We head to the Hardware bar to meet the guy I had met a couple weeks prior at the same place. We had continued to talk and go on a couple dates prior to my birthday weekend. He was hot, well dressed, and dumb as a box of rocks, but I expected him to be the provider of my birthday drinks for the evening. Wrong...he was also cheap and decided he would have his friend drive us home, after consuming too much alcohol. We had a great night, but what did we learn from this experience? That's right, on to the next one, and don't trust a man to stay sober enough to drive you home.

Night 2: Saturday April I can't remember, 2010: My friend and I decided to ride to the Hardware bar with a group of soldiers that I became friends with that were stationed at a local base.  Mental note, never get into a car that is so beat to hell that you can see the road through the floor! Even if it is a Jeep. Thankfully they were a nice, trustworthy group of people. They weren't into drinking and driving and we had a good time piled into a car full of people and having to sit on other's laps. What can I say? You do stupid things in your late teens and early 20's. We had arranged to meet the guy that I was talking to from the night before at the bar, problematically I was also dating a guy from the group of soldiers. I spent a lot of time "in the bathroom", that night. In actuality I was running from the first floor of the bar to the third, and from Justin to Brad, Brad to Justin. Then, Brad made sure my friend and I got home safely.

It was a wonderful weekend of dancing on the bar, being put in the barber chair to do shots and have a hot bartender slap my ass with a leather belt, and living it up as Sammi and Char. It will never cease to amaze me how free it can feel to pretend your someone your not. I guess I should mention that shortly after meeting Brad I had added a signature to my text messages that said "*Erica*". Well, needless to say, I had been going on dates with this guy who met "Sammi" not Erica, and Sammi, forgot to tell Brad that her real name was Erica. So you can imagine the conversation that transpired after Brad got a text signed *Erica*. Good memories with good people, and no regrets. Just thankfully you know, the bottom didn't literally fall out of the Jeep on the way home!

Over and Out

Erica

 

Wedding Words of Wisdom for the Single Lady

It has been awhile since I have had the time to sit down and work on this blog. The past weekend has been a blur of preparing to watch one of my favorite couples in the world make it down the aisle. I am happy to say that after rehearsal, dinner, and a cold from being outside too long, my children's godmother and her fiance are now husband and wife. This wedding has given me a lot to think about. I have never really thought it was possible to love someone so much (outside of my children), that a man would tear up at the sight of the women he loves walking down the aisle in a white (OK it was ivory) dress. I was a bridesmaid in this wedding, and I can honestly say I feel so privileged to know such a loving, kind, wonderful couple. There are not enough positive adjectives in the English language to describe what wonderful people my friends Paula and Kenneth are. I cried like a baby when I saw my friend walk down the aisle. I have spent so much time wishing that I could have a wedding with my son's father, but something hit me at this wedding.

 Seeing how they looked at each other, how happy they were to be committing to each other for the rest of their lives, and how engrossed they were in each other, I discovered that walking down the aisle with whatever I changed his name to for the sake of this blog, that we would never have that in a million years. No matter how hard either one of us tries, if we were ever together, it would strictly be for our children and we would all be miserable. I have previously, thought that once you have children you should stick together no matter what. I have held onto that idea for the past two years. It hit me somewhere around the time of the happy couple's first dance together (which was executed beautifully if your reading this), that I want to find a man that looks at me the way Kenneth looked at Paula at this wedding. I am still trying to process my slight shift in viewpoint, although I don't think you should throw the towel in on your family from the get go.

In addition to this change in attitude, and what I now know I want,  I defiantly won't settle for anything less then a man who looks at me the way I'm describing what I witnessed this past Sunday. I always said I wanted someone to take out the trash, pull it to the curb every Tuesday and Friday morning, and bring it back at night, and to go put gas in my car when I don't feel like it. I am capable of the above, (as well as being the bug flusher, the one who had to pick a dead mouse out of the washer and re wash all the clothes, and the mother and father to my two boys), but that doesn't mean I like doing the bug and mouse thing, and taking charge of the garbage. I would honestly prefer to regulate those chores to someone else! I have a different idea now though. It's nice to have all of these things, but what matters is finding someone that completes you. I guess the idea of "your other half" really does exist, it's just up to us to wait for a great thing to come along.

Without further ado, I am going to hit the sheets, as I have some good dreams in store for me tonight I think!

Erica

Updated: Officer Pablo and I meet again...Sort of

So yesterday I was running errands and I happened to be near the same place Officer Pablo pulled me over. I'll keep this short because it's not much of a story, but low and behold if I didn't see Officer Pablo again.
Thankfully he was driving, as was I, sans cell phone, and burned out headlight. (I did get my address on my license changed though, take that!) He looked at me real close and I'm pretty sure out of all the traffic stops he  makes, he remembered me. I assume he was thinking, "there's the crazy lady I pulled over a few weeks ago, where she started crying hysterically over a warning, better say away from her", or something lovely to that affect.
I could have sworn I saw his car pick up speed as he passed. Just saying, another ticket successfully avoided.

Good night all!

Erica

Phone number F*** up

Today was a fairly normal day at work. I worked hard, got my stuff done, and had very little interaction with anyone, as my appointments all failed to show and I hid in my office all day. As usual I could not have a totally normal day with out incident. It wasn't as major as some of the things I have encountered during my days since entering single motherhood, but it defiantly could be classified as an embarrassing incident.

Let me give you some background on my story. The security guard at my office is a friend from high school. He has recently started reading my blog...He likes to say I have too much time on my hands, but yes it is funny. I like to say that I am dedicated. I stay up late to write. I could never do this while my kids are awake and running around. He read my post from the night before about my ex's. Being a local guy he used to be friends with the guy I referred to as "the rat". He knows some of the background history between this particular guy and I, and also knows that he would be one of the last people on earth I feel like talking to. He and I had discussed him coming over to power wash my house in couple weeks, as my neighborhood requires this be done at least once per year and I don't have the proper equipment to do it myself. Plus, lets see, I hate washing my car, why would I want to wash a whole house????

Anyway on to the good stuff. I had left my office for a meeting and when I got back the guard had left a phone number on my desk, I assumed, so I could call him about setting up a time to come wash my house for me. I sent a text, you know rather then doing the smart thing and asking him in person if it was his number, so I texted him and said "I got your message". Needless to say he then informed me that the number he left on my desk was that of "the rat". I didn't get a response but was thoroughly embarrassed, since although I did not have what was apparently his new phone number, chances are he still has mine. When the last thing you speak to someone is that they are a jerk and you never want to speak to them again, it kinda appears as if your crawling back, or attempting to try and get them back in your life if you contact them again. Totally not what I meant to do.

That and Billy Joe the security guard will never let me live that one down.


Oh well, live and learn. I learned to accept a long time ago that this is just the kind of thing that happens to me.  I have got a long night of chores ahead of me, so time to run.

Over and Out

Erica

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

I haven't had a lot of time to record my daily experiences in awhile and have a lot to do this evening but I hate to neglect my blog..yeah I'm a little proud of it, so I am going to take some time to talk about a topic that intrigued me last night. While waiting for bedtime to come last night, I decided that my boys and I would watch "He's Just Not That In To You". You know, the movie where we are taught that if a man really wants u,s he will get us, and we are the rule and not the exception, and all that? Yeah, well I think I have decided that is totally true. After the dating roller coaster that I have been through over the past couple years, I can conclude one thing; as a general rule women do not matter to men, unless we are the exception. I can remember a couple months ago a friend told me she was "talking" to a guy who said he didn't want a relationship...period. My friend thought she could change this guy and change what he wanted. You will have more luck trying to change the seasons. I have come to find that they don't seek a relationship for the most part, if they find their "exception" they are all about it...if not, sorry your just the girl that will hold him over until he finds "the one".  Let's take this example. We shall call him "Rat", since his nickname is already the name of a small, ugly rodent, and rat is pretty close to what he actually is. (No, I am actually not that bitter, but I just passed him on the road while thinking about what to write in the blog and it brought up some bitterness. No worries I responded to his blank stare with a well timed and perfectly aimed middle finger as we sat at the stop sign). Him probably waiting to see if I would ram his car, and me just letting him have the right of way. (No, I am not stupid enough to ram a car made in the 1980's, the mini hearse wouldn't stand a chance!) Anyway, back to the point of this story...I dated this particular rodent about four years ago and he told me the whole nine months he did not want a relationship, and being 21 years old and not quite as well versed in the encyclopedia of men as I am at  almost 26, I believed him. At the nine month mark he suddenly stopped answering the phone and I soon found out he found "the one". After losing my shit on him, wreaking a car while texting him, getting told he didn't give a f*** if I was OK after my accident, I decided to move on to different things. I can't call it better things, but I firmly believe that everyone who enters your life serves a purpose, even if it's just to show you how much better you can do and to teach you a lesson. Needless to say, I can't say I didn't go back to him in a moment or two of weakness upon moving home from college. So sue me..he has since knocked up a actively using drug addict and lives with his baby mama parents and 30 something girlfriend. To each his own I suppose. All I can say is karma is a you know what! I defiantly agree. I was not so great to several very nice guys before it all caught up with me.

After several other failed attempts at dating losers who "didn't want a girlfriend", I apparently still had not learned my lesson, or the value of a good man. I had graduated college and had moved away for my first big girl job. I decided to go visit my college, as I had a good friend still living in the area where my college was located. It was Valentine's day 2010, and I had been "dumped" by the army guy I had been dating on Valentine's day, due to a fit of alcohol induced stupidity. I decided to tell his ex girlfriend (who went to my college) that he was my boyfriend. Mainly just because I didn't like her, and wanted to piss her off. He was not happy. After all, he didn't want a girlfriend. He is now married to someone he met in the army. Good riddance, I now  know that if he was any type of man besides a horses ass, he would have either given me the relationship I wanted or kept his flattering comments and flirting to himself and been the friend to me he claimed to be...What did I do in typical vengeful female style? I went to a party at a guy house off campus with my friend that I was visiting. There I met my children's father, who eventually became this guy's frat brother. I like to call this the best and worst day of my life. I say best because I wouldn't have Alex and Daniel without him, but worst because, damn I didn't want him to become a permanent fixture in my life, and I allowed him to completely break me in half, rip my heart out, and stomp all over it. I guess at the time I thought a house full of soulless males (as my friend so eloquently calls them) was just a hell of a good time to party with. We were reflecting the other day on why we thought they were so cool. I guess at one point in our lives a group of men who would have "hogging" contests seemed funny. Now it just seems cruel. (If you don't know what hogging means, it meant they would all go out and try to find the most overweight girl possible to bring home with them). Not only hurtful and humiliating to the girl but what kind of person does that?? I wonder how I could have laughed at that at the time and I suppose it just shows how powerful the attention of a group of men can be, how special it makes you feel, and how your the hot girl they are hanging out with..Then you find out they are just as awful about you behind your back. I digress though, that's not the point of this story. I've mentioned "Charlie" before. He is Alex and Daniel's dad, and the man I was stupid enough to sneak around with, when he had a girlfriend. Had I been at the place I am today and happy with myself, I would have told him to stick his dick in an electrical outlet, but I wasn't so before you judge, it wasn't smart to sneak around with a guy who wasn't single, but I defiantly wasn't at a good place in my life. He told me how much he liked me, and how he couldn't decide who he liked better...Lies, lies, lies, had he really cared about me he would have just been with me. It all finally came to a head when he had me over one night, after he claimed he dumped his girlfriend. I found out he had lied about having guard duty that night (right down to putting his uniform on and packing his truck up), to get me to leave his house in time for his girlfriend to get there as she was on her way up as we were doing our thing. I informed her of everything via Facebook message that evening. I do not take things lying down, and I do not let a man make a fool of me and get away with it. That, and I was extremely hurt more than I was angry. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from going back. (I find it amusing that he later told me that we couldn't be in a relationship because he couldn't trust me. WHAT???? um anyone see something effed here?)

I think we are conditioned to believe the stupid stories that we tell ourselves about them being busy, being sick, out of cell range, whatever bull s*** stories they throw our way. We know when they lie, but we do everything we can to convince ourselves and our friends that he's just busy. It takes thirty seconds to send a text that says "miss you babe". As my next birthday approaches this coming Friday, I take in the gray hairs, extra skin that has appeared around my waist from years of alcohol, wings, and most recently child birth, and I see the wrinkle that has appeared in between my eyebrows. I suppose I wouldn't go back to being so clueless and naive for anything. It may have taken two kids, but I have learned so much. I guess I wasn't getting it and may never have gotten it had I not met Charlie and had Alex and Daniel. I suppose in a way I should thank Charlie for everything he has taught me, (although next time he text's his girlfriend from my couch, I may shove the phone down his throat). I have learned a life with him isn't what I want and I would be miserable had life not turned out exactly the way it was supposed to turn out. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and I firmly believe that.

Moving past Charlie, I met a guy that I thought was "the one", he seemed so perfect, and was the first guy that I cared about enough to forget Charlie. After spending the night at Charlie's house after our son's first birthday, and texting "Anthony" from his bed all night, when Charlie walked into the room to get dressed the next morning all I could think about was how much I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and what was I thinking. I still know I wasn't in a very good emotional place at this time, as all it took was Anthony deciding he didn't want to be around my kids (a.k.a he met someone else, he still denies to this day he did. Facebook doesn't lie buddy!), I completely fell apart once again. I failed to see he was only put in my life to show me I could get over Charlie. I still can admit the weakness that I text Anthony sometimes if I am feeling low. He is kind of like my booster buddy, when I need to be told how attactive I am. That is next on the to do list of kicking people to the curb. Give me a break, even strong women have bad habits they need to kick.

My most recent experience was with a wealthy guy who is big at a large bank. He drives a nice car and has plenty of money to spend, even if he is a bit uptight and cheap. I met him on an on line dating site, and he made it clear from the beginning he only wanted one thing. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what. Needless to say, this quickly dashed my hopes of being parked in the carpool lane, waiting my for my kids outside some fancy private school, in my brand new soccer mommy van, sipping my non fat latte. I have never been more proud of myself, then the moment I told him where to go. He said fine and texted me two days later to make sure I was serious. He called me a couple weeks ago and apologized for his behavior and said he really liked me and wanted to start over. He said he wanted to work towards a relationship and etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Being burned before, I told him no and he finally begged and pleaded enough over the course of a few days that I agreed to see him again. He was going to bring dinner to my house. I tried to get my kids in bed the night of the said dinner date, so we could enjoy dinner. (I tend to find dates with my children throwing their corn and mashed potato's at a mans head tends to be the last date, plus I have tried to limit the men my kids meet now that they are old enough to realize when people are gone). I was frustrated and tired and called him to let him know the kids were still awake. He told me he didn't want to come if they wouldn't go back to bed, because he didn't want to ever meet them. That made it pretty clear what he was still after. At this point I was pissed. I told him "F*** you, don't bother coming", and hung up on him. I would never change what I am doing with Alex and Daniel to suit someone else, my home is their home, and no one will change that around just to make things more convenient on them. I haven't looked back since, and am happy to say that I am not the type of mother that chooses a man over her kids. Especially a thirty year old POS, who has to lie to attempt to get some, and still failed.

Single parenthood has been an adventure. I can still say I'm single, but I'm happy with that. I still have too much to learn about myself and too many things I need to accomplish to be the best mom I can be to my sons, to let myself get torn up over a man or to seek one out. I'm just happy being me and a wonderful mother to my boys.

I think what I hope that women take away from this post is to date smarter, trust your instincts, and be honest with yourself and your girlfriends. Telling each other what we want to hear isn't getting us anywhere. Call it like you see it (don't be rude, just honest), and we can save ourselves a lot of heartbreak in the future.

Now that it is way past my bed time...

Over and Out,

Erica

Diary of a Single Working Female + Two: Popcorn Failures, Sidewalk Chalk, and Water in the...

Diary of a Single Working Female + Two: Popcorn Failures, Sidewalk Chalk, and Water in the...: So tonight my best friend and big sister Natalie came over for a girls night tonight. When she arrived I was chasing one of my children arou...

Popcorn Failures, Sidewalk Chalk, and Water in the Air.

So tonight my best friend and big sister Natalie came over for a girls night tonight. When she arrived I was chasing one of my children around the house, trying to retract the chalk from between Alex's teeth. Both children immediately straightened up and were yelling "aunt mat, aunt mat", very excited to show Aunt Natalie the greeting they had drawn for her on our sidewalk. After playing outside a little longer we went inside the house, where it was about a million degree and we had to turn the air on. As Natalie and I were settling to watch my babies kill each other in the middle of the floor, Natalie and I ready to ref at any time, we started to hear the rush of water, like legit sounded like a freaking river rushing through the bottom of my house. I walked over and pulled the air conditioning vent up out of the floor and what did I find? I found a freaking puddle of standing water laying in the vent. I attempted to call the landlord and keep my children from falling though the vent and drowning. Fast forward to thirty minutes later and a busy signal on the landlords phone he agreed to come out in the morning and look things over. Problematically my children had already discovered long ago that they can lift the vent and they try to crawl right into the gaping hole in the floor.

Moving on...After both of  my children double teamed me and picked my BBQ chicken and started eating it...and wiping their sauce covered, sticky hands, all over my leg and my couch I eventually got both babies into bed, and as my sissy and I were listening to them whine, whimper, and laugh, and giggle, and then eventually whine and whimper some more (notice I didn't say they were sleeping at this point, they are not, currently they're making some gurgling nosies). I decided it was time for popcorn. I opened the pack and read the instructions (it said three minutes) and put it in the microwave for three minutes. With about 21 seconds to go I smelled this awful burning smell from the microwave. I raced over and pulled out the popcorn. There was smoke billowing out of the bag and I threw it outside on the deck and Natalie dumped water on it. It may have been one of those situations you had to be there for, but I think if any my neighbors saw my sister and I screaming, acting like little girls, and yelling "fire in the hole", and throwing water around was probably pretty amused.
It's been one of those days that I am wayyy too excited to let my head hit the pillow. Good night for now!

Good Day Out with Mommy and Uncle Danny and Testing Out the new Playset at Granny and PopPop's house!

Uncle Danny and Boys!

Alex, Daniel, and Mommy Meet Officer Pablo

Anyone who knows me will say that I have come a VERY long way in the ability to control myself when I have a run in with a situation that is stressful or makes me angry over the past four or five months. Letting go of the things that bother you is much better then holding on to them, and is the key to a much healthier and happier life. That being said, I definitely have my moments that can be called "Erica 0-60 in under 5 seconds". At this point my anxiety takes over and I'm off. I work hard to control it, but the other day I was failing at control, while driving home from a friends house, so I picked up the phone and called my best friend and closet thing to a sister I will ever have, Natalie.

As I was struggling to hide my feelings from my sons in the back seat, I saw the lights of Officer Pablo in my mirror. I said a quick "Oh shoot, gotta go" and dropped the phone into the center console, hoping against hope he missed the cell phone or I could charm my way out of trouble. (I'm darn good at this, at least I used to be. I avoided 13 speeding tickets until my daddy bought me a convertible and a beach trip got off to bad start with a speeding ticket. After that they just think your full of it when you cry and act a fool, and claim you normally are more careful, had to pee, etc...My list of excuses goes on and on).

"I'm officer Pablo with the ________ transportation authority police. I pulled you over this evening because your headlight is out and you were talking on your cell phone. License and registration please"
I handed over my information and was so thrown off when he asked me if the address on my license was correct I said no. (I moved around quite a bit in college and never changed my license from my parent's address and have let it go for about hmmm... eight years now). Unfortunately, the state I reside in likes you to take care of it in thirty days of moving. I was honestly too over my day to even care that I got pulled over. All I could think was my driving record was currently the cleanest its been in years and my steadily decreasing car insurance rates were about to skyrocket.
In the mean time Alex and Daniel were crying when the officer walked up to the car and immediately stopped and started yelling "Hi, Hi, HI,HI,HI" out my open window, until I finally opened Daniel's window and let him say hi to the officer. (The yelling continued until Officer Pablo finally acknowledged them gave a quiet "Hi". He clearly is not a parent.
At this point he walks back to his car and I finally decided to start crying really started getting into it. Where I live the warnings used to be a narrow, long piece of paper and tickets were wider and on a different paper. It's been a couple years, so I didn't know there was a change and started crying harder when I saw the wide piece of paper in his hand. When asked why I was crying, the emotions of the day took over and I responded with "My life freaking sucks (even though it defiantly does not, just how I was feeling at the moment), and continued with some other unintelligible things. I think he thought I was crazy and couldn't wait to hightail it back to the safety of his cop car. so he said "it's just a warning just be careful and don't talk on your phone, and fix your headlight. I pretty much wanted to kiss Officer Pablo at this point (I didn't in case your wondering). I drove home, bathed my children, and thanked god for another day with my beautiful family and friends.

Another end to a day in the life of a happily single, working women + 2.

Hope everyone has an amazing night!

Erica

 cherrios and pants on the ground...typical male.

 I swear my house was fairly clean two hours prior to my boys waking up!

time to eat wipes.

Mommy Mishaps, Missed Turns, and Murphy’s Law, and General Chaos:

Mommy Mishaps, Missed Turns, and Murphy’s Law, and General Chaos:

 

How many of my mommy friends out there have been driving down the road, the children are in the back seat, normally screaming, yelling “Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!!!” over and over, and eating random snacks they found in the car seat, leftover from last Sunday’s ride to church? I know we have all been there. Then there is the moment you realize you were too busy multi-tasking in your head to remember the correct turn you have to take to get to daycare, to pick up the kids, so you can take them to the doctor, stop and pick up dinner at the grocery store, with all three of your children whining that they want this and that, and getting mad when you say no. How many of you get to a stop sign some days, and realize you have no idea where you are? How many times have you planned to run to the store and forgot the diaper bag, and whoops, there's a blow out? This is my list of my favorite adventures in mommy hood thus far, where I cannot do anything but shake my head, laugh it off, and keep on moving forward.

1.       “ Where’s Mommy?”: Prior to having children I have always had a hard time remembering where I am going while driving if I am in a routine and don’t have to think about where I am going. Today, on the way to pick up my children from a friend I was so busy thinking about the rest of my night I realized (when I got to a stop sign) that I was headed to my parent’s house instead of my friend’s house..Opps.

 

2.       “Failure to Launch”: About three weeks ago, I was supposed to be picking up my son’s godmother and driving to Washington DC for the day. As I pulled up to the daycare provider’s home, I realized I had gone the opposite direction I intended to go. Another fail on my part.

 

 

3.       “Better Late than Never?”:  Normally I work at 6:30 am, so I leave my house by 5:30am. On Thursday’s I don’t go to work until 7:30 am and don’t have to be there until 8:30 am. I am always late, so you can imagine how good I felt when I got out of the house around 5:15 am and was thinking I would be on time for once. That’s all fine and good, except it was Thursday and I had to turn around (after arriving at the daycare) and go home for another couple hours. In this time, the boys and I fell back asleep and were still running late when we woke up. My parent friends out there can relate to the pain of waking a sleeping child. That S*** hurts. No matter what, we love our children, but we really love our sleeping children.

 

4.       “A Well Padded Experience”- Murphy’s Law: About two Friday nights ago, I decided to go to the mall with a friend and my boys. My brain, being that it is slightly overwhelmed with everything that goes on inside it, forgot the diaper bag. Not only did I forget it, we were an hour from home, it was getting late, and Alex got a bad case of the poos. Diaperless, an hour from home, and lacking any nearby store that sold diapers, I went into a gas station hoping to find a small pack of diapers, even the wrong size would do at that point. Nope, no diapers. Desperate times call for desperate measures. What did I do? I bought a pack of pads and a little pack of wet wipes for hands and improvised. Will I tell my son he ever wore a pad? Of course not, but now that the situation has passed and I have stopped beating myself up over forgetting the diaper bag, it is a funny story that I will think about whenever he is driving me crazy in his teenage years and have a chuckle over.

 

5.       I’d like to call this one “S*** hit’s the fan at the National Zoo”. I realize many of my experiences seem to involve poop, but I think this is a standard par for the course. Slightly out of control bodily functions are expected and normal with young children. Upon arriving at the national zoo, we discovered soon after heading down the Asia trail that Alex had yet another one of his quickly becoming famous number 2 escapades. After running through the zoo to the nearest gift shop to buy new, overpriced clothing, all I can do is apologize to the fishing cats along the Asia trail and hope they don’t think too low of humans and their bathroom habits!

 

6.       “Nudity is Normal”: At least where my little boys, and many of my friend’s children are concerned. The daycare provider that keeps my sons requested onesie’s be on my children at all times. Otherwise, they will strip down at naptime, diapers and everything, and I’m sure I don’t have to explain what happens when a baby takes his/her diaper off. With this phase, along with potty training, has come the discovery of one’s self, as I will put it to be gentle. As a friend’s mother put it, “they never stop playing with it. They only get worse as they get older’. Wayyy too much to think about with my boys. I think they figured (as they decided to streak naked, through their birthday party), that it was only appropriate to wear their birthday suits to their birthday party!

 

7.       “Sunday Fun day”: It seems like Sunday mornings tend to be a rough time in our household. It’s all fine and good until after breakfast, then an invisible dam breaks and it’s a circus act from that point forth until we arrive at church and the boys see their beloved Aunt Paula and Uncle Kenneth. (Remember to my friends reading this, your names have been changed), and life is good again in the world of Alex and Daniel. I’m having a hard time picking just one experience, so here are a few Sunday morning experiences.

 

a.       The most recent would be Easter Sunday. The boys were actually, quite well behaved as their father was visiting and helped get them ready. Once in my car and alone with mommy, the screaming and crying, and our recent line, “I walk, I WALK, I WALKKKKKK!!!” started in. This is the time I normally turn up the radio and practice my ignoring skills (which have gotten pretty amazing).  Everything was fine once we arrived at church, until the children’s sermon. After the sermon, my son Daniel decided to make a run for the alter. I took his hand to redirect him, and he threw himself down in front of the entire church and was kicking and fighting me. Thankfully, he did not scream and yell, but nothing says embarrassment like being sprawled out on the floor in the front of the church, fighting with your 31-pound two-year-old, midway through the Easter Sunday Service. Praise Jesus I had decided to change out of the dress I started in that day. WWE smack down at the alter is bad enough without showing the world your lady parts.

b.      I think my other favorite Sunday morning episode was mother’s day 2012. I got both boys ready for church. They looked oh so handsome. I decided to make the decision to let them feed themselves while I got ready myself. (Totally dumb move and an amateur mistake. Parenting is defiantly a learning experience at every step). I heard a crash and realized Daniel had thrown a bowel of cereal and milk across the room.  I cleaned up the mess, grumbled a bit to myself and hauled the kids out to the car. Fast forward to church. As I lean over to put Daniel’s shoes that he took off and threw back on, my new Iphone crashed out of the diaper bag and hit the pavement and totally shattered. At that point, I was done. Aunt Paula and Uncle Kenneth spent church with the boys, while mommy drove around to avoid a totally loss of sanity.  

c.       Lastly, as far as pre church related incidents go would be the fried rice incident. I had gotten Chinese food for my children the night before. My children will eat almost any hot and spicy food or food of any origin (sometimes things that are not food as well). While I was changing a diaper, the other baby opened the fridge door and got my greasy pork fried rice out of the fridge and dumped it everywhere. To make matters worse as I ran into the kitchen, (clearly not thinking the floor that I washed the night before would be slippery) and busted my butt on the slippery, greasy, kitchen floor. What can you do at that point besides pick yourself up, stick the kids in the car, head to church, and spend the service praying you don’t wring their necks? (For the record, that is a joke. I never want to, and never have, and never will, cause physical harm to my children).

 

8.       “Lack of Common Sense Meets Baby Brain”: When my children were about one week old I was staying with my parent’s and had to walk the dogs while my parents were at work. My children are twins, meaning that they were tiny, they didn’t want to eat right, and as a result, they defiantly were not sleeping right. I can honestly say I would not have survived the first two months of my son’s lives if it were not for my wonderful support system. Anyway, back to my story. I laid the babies in their bouncers and strapped them in. I figured I could leave the garage door open and the main door leading to the house and still walk the dogs and hear my children. This was a wonderful idea…until the wind blew the door shut and someone forgot to unlock the door before she went out it. After a few minutes of trying to break into my parent’s house in a panic, I remembered my parent’s neighbors had an extra key. This was awesome, as I would not have to call the fire department or worse my mom or dad and ask them to come home, therefore leaving my babies alone for a long period of time, or end up being murdered by my mother for my stupidity. Keep in mind at one week of my children’s lives I hadn’t brushed my hair in about a week, my teeth for about twenty four hours, or showered in about four days. I was in pajamas, and had no shoes on, and had to walk myself down the road to get the extra key. That was one walk of shame I hope to never repeat, and I can say I have not since.  

 

I think the bottom line is that parenting is hard work. It’s stressful, scary, frustrating as heck, and a lot of pressure knowing that you are solely responsible for another person’s survival. Parenting is also a wonderful experience. There is nothing better than when on e of my boys crawls into my lap to read a story before bedtime or says, “Mommy I love you”. It can be difficult learning how to deal with the frustrating times, and the times our children make us angry. It takes some longer than others longer to develop the coping skills to let their children’s tantrums and cranky moods roll off our shoulders and let them go. As a counselor of a parenting group therapy class and someone who has struggled with learning patience for my children, I think the best things to remember are that the worst tantrums will make for the best embarrassing stories when our children are older, and that with a little love, patience, and understanding our children will grow up to be the best they can be and will always know they have their families to count on.

One way to find out your expecting

When you find out your pregnant, it can steam many different emotions and feelings. There is the excitement of those who have tried and tried and finally it happens. Then there is the couple that has not had any issues but is so thrilled they are pregnant. Then there is a very different feeling. I like to call this the WTF I AM SO SCREWED feeling. I would like to lump myself into the latter category. Before we get carried away, no I do not fall into the category of “get knocked up, live off the government for the rest of my life by popping out kid after kid”. At the time I found myself pregnant out of my own stupidity and carelessness (although it takes two to tango, we will cover that in another post, or maybe later in this one depending on my mood), I had already graduated college, worked a stable job for a year, and was returning to work on a Master’s degree. No, I never got the degree, but one could argue that god, (or whatever you believe in) has a plan for us. Instead of a degree in school counseling that I soon found out I did not want, I got my beautiful sons Alex and Daniel. Was it an ideal situation? Of course not. Two babies and a father who suddenly decides to peace out when the going gets rough never is. Messy? For sure, but sometimes messy makes us the people we are today. Messy teaches us how strong we can be when life gets hard. In case some of you noticed, life loves nothing more to kick us when we are already down. What I learned about myself is little things do not matter, and I am a heck of a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I took my immature, party girl lifestyle and have turned it into the life of a responsible adult. I have two healthy and happy little boys, and a career I am proud of, and am currently working on starting the MSW program I am interested in.

Anyway, I realized that I have just given you the basic “life is hard and you have to deal with it” talk, as I would do with any of my patient’s at work, I am going to digress because that was not the point of this post.  Also, it’s Friday night, I have forty-eight hours away from work and I am not counseling anyone on my weekend! Back to the point of my post. When I found out I was pregnant, I think somewhere deep down I already knew it, but was in denial. As good as I am at making other’s see the light and accept reality, I am darn good at deluding myself. I had a friend at the time that worked at Wal*Mart. We will call her Cassie. She was currently pregnant and I told her I was late, which had never EVER happened. I remember this talk like it was yesterday. This is how the conversation went:

 

Cassie: “I bet you’re pregnant”.

Me: “I am not, there’s no way, and I don’t even think I can get pregnant”.

Cassie: “We’re in Wal*Mart, I dare you to go buy a test and go in the bathroom find out”.

Me: “Ok”

Clearly, we all know how that test went. Then it was time to have a conversation with the baby daddy. Let’s call him Charlie. I won’t go into a lot of detail but the bottom line was take care of the problem or I’m out. Before we condemn “Charlie” to pos baby daddy material, I am happy to report that he is now a more active part of Alex and Daniel’s lives and a loving father to the best of his ability. Although we did not work out, there are certainly a lot more unhappy ways this could have ended, then the mostly positive journey we are currently embarking on as co parenting two children.

On to informing my parent’s.  I told my father first, mainly because he was home, and I was living in Frostburg and just visiting for the day and had to get back to Frostburg. I brought my friend Sarah (all names have been changed to protect the identity of my friends and family), for protection. I will remember sitting in my parent’s kitchen, unable to speak, until Sarah finally said, “just tell him already”. My dad goes “What are ya knocked up”? (Totally did not think I was going to say yes). I said yes, in fact I was. I will never forget the response that that prompted. “JESUS CHRIST ERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!). To which I started crying like the daddy’s girl I am. At this point, my dad switched to comforting daddy mode, which to this day I am incredibly grateful for. (Normally when my father does not know what to do with me, he yells). At this point, I decided it was time to hit the road before my mother got home. After convincing my father to not tell my mother, I was out the door home free, or so I thought.

Until…I’m going through Baltimore on 695 and my phone rang. It was my mom and she requested we meet for dinner. I agreed after conferring with my friend. I asked my friend “do you think she knows”. Well, I knew she did the second I pulled up and got out of the car. After a long evening of crying and a lot of emotion, I got in my car and headed back to school. My mom will admit to this day she was mostly just pissed that I told my dad before I told her.

Then two weeks later we found out it was twins. My friend's and family always tell me I never do anything half way! 

All’s well that ends well and it sure makes an interesting story, at least for my family and I. Hope you enjoyed and could maybe even relate.

Over and Out,

 Erica

“A Shitty Situation…….. Literally”

                While driving to work this morning I was running late (what else is new?) It was raining and I looked down at the speedometer and realized as I was flying by the tractor trailers and other morning commuters that I was driving a little recklessly. I always drive a little faster then I should, but mornings during the week are a stressful time for me (as it is for most people), so I’m kind of like get out of my way, or I’ll run you down with my wannabe hearse (Chevy HHR, Google it if you don’t know what that is), on most mornings. This morning however, I realized I was pretty violently weaving through traffic with little regard to slippery roads or thickening traffic (I’m extremely nervous when I drive in bad weather so that says a lot about how I was feeling). While speeding down 95, I had some time to think about my morning and my life as a whole while rushing to make sure I wasn’t more than ten minutes late for work. I decided that I needed an outlet for all the frustrating and comical (at least in my opinion) things that seem to occur on a daily basis in my life. Normally blaring music as soon as I drop my kids at daycare works, but due to commercials on the radio my only option was Kidz Bop 23. So driving down the road, listening to the Gangnam Style, the Kidz Bop version, I decided that I write my feelings out on paper, so why not in a format that allows others who deal with similar experiences to relate to my outrageous experiences, often before 6:00 AM.

 It all started with waking up at 4:30 am and peeling myself out from between my nice warm covers and into the shower. Then I got dressed and packed my stuff up for a day at the office and loaded it into my car. Feeling accomplished at this point I went into my children’s room to wake them up for the day. That’s when it hit me, one of the most awful smells I’ve ever smelled was wafting straight out of their room. I couldn’t believe that smell was coming out of one of my angelic little boys. I went in and picked up Daniel, the source of the stink. He was of course soaked through his clothes wet, but I didn’t see any real evidence that I was about to change the dirty diaper from hell (I know every parent can relate to this, it’s like the horrific smelling diaper that ends up being practically empty). I unsuspectingly pulled down the zipper on his footy PJ’s and reveled what I have to say was the worst diaper blow out I have ever seen.  As you can imagine, I see a lot of blow outs because I have twins. My dad told me he read somewhere that with one baby you change approximately 5,000 diapers, so I’m already looking at 10,000 give or take a few. I would like to count this diaper as 4 diapers. I should have taken a picture and submitted it to the Guinness Book of World Records for biggest quantity of shit ever shat. Anyway, my first thought was “My poor baby boy”; he was screaming and obviously upset. My second thought was “How the hell did this kid sleep through this?” My third thought was “Well F*** another day late to work”. (My furnace had already gone out the past Monday and I had to leave work early on Tuesday due to baby illness, so I’ve been using up the vacation time and my bosses patience pretty quickly this week I suspect). I put Daniel in the bath tub and hosed him down. (I absolutely love the person who invented the removable shower head sprayer thing). Fast forward to getting both babies dressed and loaded in the car.

Over the River and Through the Town of Rising Sun to Grandmother’s house we go:

                Next, drop the babies off at my parent’s house, since sick babies can’t go to daycare. I pulled in the driveway and got the first baby in the house without incident. I walked back out to the car to get Alex and back up the stairs I went. Only to realize I had locked my keys in the house and then had to pound on the door and yell until my mother got out of bed to let me in the house. I’m thinking “really Erica? You couldn’t you know unlock the door or remember your keys?” At this point I was running on nervous energy, which is my go to coping skill when I’m stressed out and running late. (Although since reproducing I am always running late, lateness is one of the things that bothers me the most in the world). My mother let me in; I dropped my kids and started my race to work.

You already know the rest, so until next time. Thus ends the beginning of another Friday morning in the life of this single mommy/working woman.