The other day I was having a conversation with a good friend about a guy that she met that she wasn't quite sure if she was interested in, but wasn't getting adequate attention from the guy she was interested in. I know we've all been there, because man or women, the Midsummer Night's Dream scenario of girl loves guy, who loves another girl, who in turn loves another guy, who in turn, and so on and so on, is a reality, not just a comedy created by William Shakespeare. It's something we've all been victims of in the past and possibly in our present and future to. We see how wonderful a potential relationship with a person is, and how happy we would make them, but it often seems as if that person is not on the same page as we are, and no matter how hard you try (Look under 311 in my ITunes or at the WVU gear in my dresser drawer), you can't get them to just get with the program and comply with what you want. This is the common human problem of we want what we can't have. Hash tag it #humanproblems, tweet it, what have you, but we are all put in this situation at some point in our lives. Accepting the rejection of not always getting the "man or woman of your dreams" can be especially hard. Needless to say I have been there more times than I would care to admit in the last several years. On the plus side I really enjoy the band 311 AND I like WVU sports now. Everything happens for a reason I suppose.
Back to the point of my story. When listening to my friend talk I decided it was time to enlighten her to the term "tissue". What is a tissue you may ask? I will tell you. Think about what you do with a tissue. Take it out of the box, blow your nose in it, and toss it in the trash when your done. A tissue is the man that makes you feel special when the one your really into won't. He's the man that is OK with taking you out to dinner and not getting any (or at least if he's not OK he's too polite to admit it), or the man that can tell you your beautiful; even though it may not come from the man that your hot all over about, it still feels nice to be appreciated. You can even use them for a little wham bam thank you ma'am, if you so desire and do it safely. It fulfills the natural urges we have as humans to feel loved, to feel desired, and special. This may sound harsh, but men do it to women all the time. After a year and a half of feeling bad about myself. Angry and resentful that my children's dad moved on to someone else, and pissed off at the man after him who decided he didn't want my kids and I in his life, I decided I had had enough. I had had enough of men taking advantage of my feelings for them and making me feel bad about myself. This point of this is, is no one can make you feel anyway. Someone can tell you your ugly, and you feel bad, but they didn't make you feel bad. You feel bad because you got rejected and you are allowing someone else to control and manipulate how you feel. I came to the conclusion that enough was enough. Happiness is in ones own control. A relationship with another person cannot work if you aren't happy with yourself. Around this time I met a guy we shall call Irish. He took me to lunch and soon made it very clear that he wasn't trying to date, and blatantly said "I just want to F***". I explained that this was not what I was looking for, and if this was what he wanted, I wasn't his girl so lose my number. He continued to text me and let me know how attracted he was to me. I finally caved and after a couple of dates where he was getting no where. He asked to come down for dinner and to talk. He did the whole song and dance about "I decided I really like you", "lets talk about things and see where they go". I relented and (unsuccessfully) put my kids to bed and told him to come down. I called him when I would say he was probably right around the corner to inform him my kids were still awake. At this point he informed me he had "no interest in my kids and just wanted to F***". At that, I calmly told him to "F*** off", and informed him that we wanted different things and hung up on him. Needless to say, I still occasionally hear from him. I normally have taken the asshole stance and talk about other men to him and I can tell that just burns him up. It felt good to walk away from the situation on top for once, rather than feeling rejected and hurt. I decided that this was a good way to be, and am happy to say I haven't really been all that upset over a man ever since. Hence, the term tissue was born. Would I do this to a decent, kind, man? No. But as far as I'm concerned playing stupid games is just that, stupid. If I happen to come across a jerk who thinks he has the upper hand, can play games, and can get what he wants and bounce, I say play ball. At that point he can buy me dinner, he can take me on dates, and shower me with complimentary texts, but that's all he's going to do. Sometimes in life one chance is all you have and in relationships this should be true I think. I adore the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool you twice, shame on me". That, unfortunately, does not stop me from falling time and time again for two men that have been in my life, but it does allow me to keep some pride intact and now show just how worked up a select couple of men in my life can get me. I suppose such is life and dating.
I reminded my friend at this point that she wasn't having her needs fulfilled where she wanted them fulfilled, so even if she wasn't feeling like this guy was "the one", it couldn't hurt to get to know him a little better, and possibly see him again if she so desired. After educating her about the benefits of a tissue, she actually gave it another shot and things are going well. Sometimes a tissue becomes a handkerchief I suppose and sticks around longer, then just the tissue sitting in the car cup holder that eventually gets thrown away. I guess time will tell for my friend. On that note, it is wayyy past my bed time. So good night readers!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
Whose to Blame?
Tonight I am going to focus on a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with me. Well, minus the single mom thing, which is common in the group of people that I am about to talk about. My focus for this post will be on the teen mom. Many would blame shows like "Sixteen and Pregnant", or "Teen Mom" for encouraging young girls to become mom's early. To this I would say, if your stupid enough to think being sixteen and getting knocked up, is a guarantee to getting your newly stretch marked ass on TV, you would deserve what you get for being so dumb. Unfortunately, you would also then be responsible for raising human life, which is a huge responsibility and scary that someone that thinks making themselves a part of the teen mom statistic is a good idea, would be taking on. As a much older single mother I find that it is difficult, stressful, and overwhelming. This is after I have already had time to party, be carefree, and accomplish some of the things that I wanted to before having children. I could not imagine not having time to get my wild side out before settling down to be a parent. That's just the kid part. Add on trying to earn a higher degree, jump through the hoops of the Board of Professional Counselors and Therapists, relationship drama, baby daddy drama and the hurt and resentments left behind, and a tight and sometimes impossible financial situation, and it's almost unmanageable at age 26. I could not imagine taking on a responsibility like this any early than age 23, three weeks away from 24, which was the age that I started my journey with my little boys.
When I look back at myself at age 16 I was a happy teenager, taking ballet, and participating in cheerleading, and hanging out with my friends. At age 16 sex was probably about the furthest thing from my mind. This past year I attended a football game at my high school, and was shocked by the tight, short little napkins the girls were trying to pass for clothes. I may sound old while saying this, but no one, and I mean no one, would have shown so much skin at a high school football game when I was in school. For one thing, it's too freaking cold during the last half of the football season to not wear any clothing. For another, when I was in school we had this thing called a dress code, and even wearing a tank top could get you sent home. From what I remember, it was jeans and t-shirts all the way in high school. From this experience and another experience I got when I worked in a high school in 2010, things certainly have changed. That aside, we tend to blame TV shows, poor parenting skills, lack of parental control, drug and alcohol abuse, and many other reasons for teen pregnancy. All of these reasons are defiantly valid. Let's of course not hold our teens be responsible for their actions. After all, the girls of teen mom 2 didn't impregnate our little angels now did they? Sorry let my put my jaded face away, (it tends to slip out after a long day at work). The real reason that I am writing this is that I have found the cause of teen pregnancy. Yes that's right. Yes it's TV, no it's not "Sixteen and Pregnant". Drum roll please........................................................
It's Barney! This sounds totally crazy, but this past Sunday morning I was watching an old episode of Barney on, On Demand with my kids. It's one that had a similar story line to an episode I remember seeing as a child. It had Baby Bop looking at a mommy holding a baby and saying "I want a baby!!!" and then proceeding to push around her teddy bear in a stroller, singing about playing, and eating when her teddy eats, and I'm thinking, hmmm what reality is this little green and pink fruitcake singing about? I ate standing over the kitchen counter that same morning, making pancakes and responding to "more cake, more cake", over and over again, since my sons can eat an entire batch of pancakes by themselves. Not that I really mind Barney, my kids love him and if my kids are entertained that's a positive in my book. That means the dishes can be washed, and I can sweep the floor, etc. So all hail to Baby Bob, Barney, and the whole crew. Do I honestly think that this show causes teen pregnancy? Absolutely not. I do however, think that it emphasizes starting from a young age, how little we inform our children about how difficult having children really is. It's not singing and running around all happy and energetic all the time. It's about sacrifice, being an adult even when you don't want to be. It's knowing that your desire to move to the beach for the summer is out of the question. It's being exhausted, sick, and stressed out, but putting on a happy face anyway. Being a parent is an amazing and incredible experience, but it is an experience that should wait until a person can bring their child into a stable, happy, secure emotionally and financially, home. I think that as someone who accidentally did not wait for this to happen, I can say a lot about how much easier this would have been with a mature, supportive, partner, and a lack of instability in the financial situation.
When I think about my experiences as a college educated women, I can see that I have many more options for myself to help me financially support my children. I see people with limited resources and limited education or skills on a daily basis, and as it is my job to help them improve their lives, this can often seem hopeless. I couldn't imagine tackling four years of college with a baby. I am already stressing out at the potential of two to three years of a Master's program! Being totally uneducated beyond high school, and no real professional experience can put a young, single parent behind the 8 ball to start. All in all I really didn't have much point to this post, besides that I think my observation of Baby Bop influencing teen pregnancy as somewhat amusing. Sometimes you just have to do things to amuse yourself, even if no one else is laughing. On that note, I'm debating the possibility of another post tonight, but it's about bedtime, so good night readers! Remember, only three more days until Friday!
When I look back at myself at age 16 I was a happy teenager, taking ballet, and participating in cheerleading, and hanging out with my friends. At age 16 sex was probably about the furthest thing from my mind. This past year I attended a football game at my high school, and was shocked by the tight, short little napkins the girls were trying to pass for clothes. I may sound old while saying this, but no one, and I mean no one, would have shown so much skin at a high school football game when I was in school. For one thing, it's too freaking cold during the last half of the football season to not wear any clothing. For another, when I was in school we had this thing called a dress code, and even wearing a tank top could get you sent home. From what I remember, it was jeans and t-shirts all the way in high school. From this experience and another experience I got when I worked in a high school in 2010, things certainly have changed. That aside, we tend to blame TV shows, poor parenting skills, lack of parental control, drug and alcohol abuse, and many other reasons for teen pregnancy. All of these reasons are defiantly valid. Let's of course not hold our teens be responsible for their actions. After all, the girls of teen mom 2 didn't impregnate our little angels now did they? Sorry let my put my jaded face away, (it tends to slip out after a long day at work). The real reason that I am writing this is that I have found the cause of teen pregnancy. Yes that's right. Yes it's TV, no it's not "Sixteen and Pregnant". Drum roll please........................................................
It's Barney! This sounds totally crazy, but this past Sunday morning I was watching an old episode of Barney on, On Demand with my kids. It's one that had a similar story line to an episode I remember seeing as a child. It had Baby Bop looking at a mommy holding a baby and saying "I want a baby!!!" and then proceeding to push around her teddy bear in a stroller, singing about playing, and eating when her teddy eats, and I'm thinking, hmmm what reality is this little green and pink fruitcake singing about? I ate standing over the kitchen counter that same morning, making pancakes and responding to "more cake, more cake", over and over again, since my sons can eat an entire batch of pancakes by themselves. Not that I really mind Barney, my kids love him and if my kids are entertained that's a positive in my book. That means the dishes can be washed, and I can sweep the floor, etc. So all hail to Baby Bob, Barney, and the whole crew. Do I honestly think that this show causes teen pregnancy? Absolutely not. I do however, think that it emphasizes starting from a young age, how little we inform our children about how difficult having children really is. It's not singing and running around all happy and energetic all the time. It's about sacrifice, being an adult even when you don't want to be. It's knowing that your desire to move to the beach for the summer is out of the question. It's being exhausted, sick, and stressed out, but putting on a happy face anyway. Being a parent is an amazing and incredible experience, but it is an experience that should wait until a person can bring their child into a stable, happy, secure emotionally and financially, home. I think that as someone who accidentally did not wait for this to happen, I can say a lot about how much easier this would have been with a mature, supportive, partner, and a lack of instability in the financial situation.
When I think about my experiences as a college educated women, I can see that I have many more options for myself to help me financially support my children. I see people with limited resources and limited education or skills on a daily basis, and as it is my job to help them improve their lives, this can often seem hopeless. I couldn't imagine tackling four years of college with a baby. I am already stressing out at the potential of two to three years of a Master's program! Being totally uneducated beyond high school, and no real professional experience can put a young, single parent behind the 8 ball to start. All in all I really didn't have much point to this post, besides that I think my observation of Baby Bop influencing teen pregnancy as somewhat amusing. Sometimes you just have to do things to amuse yourself, even if no one else is laughing. On that note, I'm debating the possibility of another post tonight, but it's about bedtime, so good night readers! Remember, only three more days until Friday!
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